Picking up the Shoe

Yesterday we had a family pow-wow (including grilled chicken and hamburgers) at Mom and Dad's place. We (Renae, Doug, Nancy, Danny, Derrick and I and kiddies) all came over with bags of food and hopes of a little family fun, but we had ulterior motives. We came with a new plan.

As soon as we were all there, all sitting out on the deck visiting, the new plan was approached softly. We didn't want to scare, shock or overwhelm anyone with the plan. We were all relieved and happy when the plan was received well, and arrangements began to shape up.

Renae and Doug are going to take Mom and Dad to Mexico. There is a clinic just past the US border that works with a cancer patients diet, as well as giving them a "hoxsey", a serum developed to eradicate the cancer in that specific person. They will be gone for about a week to get the treatment and diet, and then she can come home with a six month supply.

In conjunction with this, I found a new oncologist in Missoula who is willing to monitor Mom during the six months. She will also provide any additional chemo if it is needed. I called this oncologist Friday, and guess what? SHE called ME back! She talked to me for a long time and both asked questions and allowed me to ask questions back. She was a ray of hope on a dark day. We are going to call her Monday and make an appointment and form a plan together.

We also have an appointment with Mom's surgeon Tuesday to see if he has changed his view of surgery on Mom's liver like the infamous Dr. N did. We hope he will still work with us when Mom needs her surgery in the future, even though we are dumping Dr. N as our oncologist.

We know other people who have done the hoxsey treatment, and they are cancer free. I've read message board after message board from family members struggling with their loved ones through cancer with just conventional chemo. It always follows pattern of getting chemo and feeling like crap, getting a surgery to remove a tumor, being cancer free for two or three months, and then having a recurrence and having to start the whole horrible process over again. Even if this hoxsey and diet didn't completely wipe it out, but she felt good while the cancer was held at bay (for a long time), it would be better than being at the mercy of Dr. N and his poison. What kind of life is that? Also, if she does end up having to have surgery in the future, this will buy her time to get those blood clots completely dissolved first.

So, here is to new hope.

The Other Shoe Dropped

Today confirmed what we already knew. If Mom's cancer count doesn't go down, surgery is to be looked at in two or three weeks.

The problem with that is she still has bloodclots. If she gets the surgery she will have to go off of the anti-clotting medicine she has been using, both before and after. And after she would be on her back recovering... which could cause more clots.

The other problem is that Dr. N is starting to have issues with our stand on blood. All of a sudden, this surgery is extremely dangerous. Before the story was that the tumor is in the lower left lobe doesn't have any major arteries, so if you have to remove part of it, that is the safest part to remove. Today he was ranting about all of the little veins there that she could bleed out of (and "not make it" was a phrase her too many times). Before HE told us he was going to build up her blood supply to twice it's usual amount and he would make it as safe for her as possible, so she would beable to lose a lot of blood in surgery and still be okay. His previous support of our beliefs was one of the reasons we chose to use him as her oncologist. I could say so much more, but I am so tired.

I do want to say that the family is talking Mexico treatment again. We are tired of Dr. N and his promises of the moon that turn out to be mirages. We are going to talk to Mom and Dad Saturday to see if they will consider going to Mexico for treatment and coming back here to use a different oncologist who will be willing to work coinsiding with natural medicine.

Just a little scared

I haven't blogged about my mom for quite awhile because things felt like they were going better, and I don't want to be obsessive about my mother's health on myspace of all places. BUT, since almost everyone who reads this knows her, I think I am going to vent a little.

I am worried. Her cancer count went from 800 to almost 1600 in just a two week break from the chemo. Even though her doctor has re-added the CPT-11 (the stuff that put her in the hospital when I was in Mexico, but also the stuff that was totally kicking the cancer's butt at first) and she has had two treatments with that stuff too, her cancer count has only dropped a little. Then today she couldn't get her treatment again because the chemo is starting to give her all of the side affects that sent her to the hospital last time. The doctor is talking about changing things up, perhaps by doing the surgery on her liver to remove the tumor even though the count isn't as low as he wanted (he wanted it as low as 37).

I am also scared because I've been going into different internet sites where people with stage 4 colon cancer tell their experiences. Even the good experiences (people who are still alive after 3 or more years) are daunting. The chemo never seems to really end. They get chemo, have surgery, are cancer free for three or four months and then discover the cancer has spread again and have to start the whole thing over again. It burst my bubble. My vision has always been Mom gets chemo, gets the surgery, gets the final bout of chemo to finish off the stragler cancer cells, and then we all go into our happy cancer-free family again. I can't stand the thought of Mom having to go through this process over and over, never really feeling totally like herself again.

Anyways, those are my thoughts on the matter. Having a positive attitude is still important. Other people's experiences do not mean our's have to be that way. Just feeling scared right now.