Some Drummin'

I went to drum lessons last night and it was AWESOME, just like Kloe has been saying (in a Rhino from Bolt voice).  

They play West African drums (djembes, ashikos, and dun-duns).   There were seven of us there, all with drums or shakers, repeating drumming patterns after the instructor and singing (last night it was that Michael Franti song- Say Hey...it seems that everywhere I go, the more I see, the less I know.  But I know, one thing, that I love you.  I love you, I love you, I love you). 

Okay, so this is what I liked about it (a lot)-  I looked around and saw that most of the kids there were pretty shy.  This class gives a safe enviroment to practice living out loud and to having a voice in front of others.  My little girl, who is not a shy girl at home, is a little shy at school.  I was surprised to see that she is one of the *quiet* ones.  Last night I as I watched her drum, I saw she had a hard time singing at first.  I understood, cuz I did too- I'm one of those quiet in a crowd types too.  But it was really fun for both of us to just let go, drum, and sing.  What a fun way to build self-confidence in a kid!

So, when it's time for her to go live on the beach in Mexico, be a beach hippie and play drums all day, I think maybe I will jump on board.

Wow, didn't sleep last night.  Derrick needs to come home, if for no other reason than so I can sleep.   I laid there all night, hearing every single sound.  I feel such strong impulses to send out texts to friends and family, if for no other reason than to say  "It is 2:30 in the morning.  Hope you were sleeping well.  Love, the Bitterly Disappointed in Sleep".  Or something like that.

Sweepy

I didn’t run today. I even went through all of the effort to go to Hastings and pick up some movies to run to. By the time I got home, made dinner and put the kiddies to bed I was too wiped out to run. It created a nice guilty pleasure to watch the movie while vegetating, so the idea of running was not a total waste.

I could not hack working full time. I mean, if I had to do it, I would. But I would not love it- it would be hard to take care of other important things (I didn't get to take the kids to guitar/drum lessons tonight either:'( )in my life. I can imagine what I look like to my friends who work full time as I go off on my shpills about the wonder of running, and all of it's benefits (like not being medicated to survive this thing called life). The only reason I have energy to run or any other self-care activity, is because I don’t get up at the crack of dawn every day with this crazy agenda pushing me out of the door for the next eight hours to work, and then to still do the mundane stuff I wrestle with doing everyday anyways- grocery shopping, cleaning stuff, laundry… Who in the world would feel like running after a day like that? Not that it couldn’t be done, but I’d have to toughen up considerably (not gonna happen this little full-time work stretch my friends). I am making a commitment to my couch this week that I shall love it more than my treadmill. HA! As if it didn't already know I love it best.

So tired. I think I’ll drag myself to bed now.

And WHERE is the off Switch???

It is currently 4:15 in the morning and I've been up for awhile. Don't know what the problem is because I am SO FREAKING TIRED!!! Deep breaths, deep breaths. The last time I talked to Derrick (who is sleeping like an angel) about insomnia, he gave me a rundown of his idea of how to fix it (for free no less). The fix was that I needed to get involved in some heavy manual labor (like being a logger or working on a fishing boat in Alaska?) because if I was tired enough I would pass out at the end of everyday like he does. He is completely correct, in my opinion (however, it is 4:22 at night and I could be delusional). HE works outside everyday, whether it is freezing or boiling. I've watched him work, practically running (he is VERY efficient with his time), getting the job DONE. He goes from meeting to meeting with different business associates, so he has to deal with social stress that I mostly am spared from these days.

My day is tiring, but more mentally then anything. I'm chasing kids down, breaking up fights, cleaning up play-dough that is stuck to the counter chairs again, sweeping and mopping the same floors that were mopped yesterday because someone didn't want to take the time to remove their shoes, making breakfast, lunch, dinner and cleaning the kitchen as many times, getting groceries, paying bills, making beds, making kids clean their rooms (even though it would be easier to do it myself), feeling the general guilt that I should be returning a phone call to a friend (but I just don't have the mental energy to chat), taking the kids outside more to play,or reading more to them or not letting them watch so many cartoons, or that I should be (that I want to be) with my mom but I just can't because I need to be here managing my life too.... The problem with a mentally tiring life is that it wakes you up at 3 o'clock in the morning, all the emotions of the day racing through your veins like a freight train, leaving your heart racing before you even fully awake.

It will get better. So.... deep breaths, deep breaths...