A Finished Room and Some Travel Talk

We finished Kloe's room (for the most part) last week.  It is a small space, so making lots of places to organize and store things really helped create order out of the chaos.  It's hard to tell from this picture, but this is a captain's bed with extra storage underneath.

We finally found her comforter at Target.  I actually really like the one she chose.  It has a mix of a lot of my favorite colors (and hers too!).   The underside is orange, and super fuzzy and soft.

Here are the "Carmel" colored walls, which she chose all on her own.  We also thinned out her stuffed animals and displayed the ones she chose to keep.  The book shelf was also one of the craigslist finds.  My girl loves to read, and she loves to collect books, but she had nowhere to put them so they were a major contributor to clutter.  This is so much better:)

I made the curtain valance with a board and some material to bring more of the aqua color into the room.  Derrick was finally able to install the ceiling fan we bought for the room over a year ago (both the bunk bed and loft bed she previously used pretty much ensured decapitation of he'd installed it any sooner).  He also fixed her closet doors, and hung the stuffed animal shelf and new mirror (he can put things on the wall straight the first time he tries.  I always make a couple extra holes in my attempts).

This is the dresser, night stand and bed I bought on craiglist. 

Aunt Bean is going to paint an owl picture with Kloe's colors to go on this empty bit of wall above the lizard's aquarium.

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy..."  My contribution to her walls:)

Most likely you can tell, but I am very excited with how her room came together.  I think this will be much easier for her to maintain. 

Now for a completely unrelated topic:

We get to leave this grey winter-ish land next week!

I have been holding in this little bit of personal happy-ness for awhile now, mostly so I don't create the winter hate mob this sort of news has a way of generating.

But now, I am too excited to care.

We are going to Cancun.  We've traveled to Mexico quite a few times, but we've never been to that part of the country.  This is also the first time we will be going to an all inclusive resort.  This is also the first time we are traveling with another couple (Deana and Rob) to such a far away place.

Yes, I am excited.

Aunt Nae is going to stay at our place with the kiddos.  We always feel a little guilty leaving the kids behind, but it is important to be able to have these times once in awhile with each other (plus we just took them to Mexico last March, so we don't feel too guilty).

My goals for this trip are:

• Don't get sick this time!! Mexico has not been very kind to me on some of our previous trips.
• Lay in the sun, and soak up mass amounts of vitamin D. 
• Play in the ocean.  Hoping for good snorkeling.
• Have fun with our friends! :)
• Write a little every day we are down there, and take lots of pictures.
• Gather great memories to carry us through to Spring.

A Whale of a Room

I've tried a lot of ideas to inspire my daughter to take care of her room throughout the years.

One time I labeled dresser drawers for specific pieces of clothing, labeled toy bins, labeled the garbage (with a list of things that should go into it)... you get the idea.  I hung a list on the wall that broke down what to pick up first and what to put away and in what order.  It worked for a while until one day I went in and saw that she had rearranged and added to all of the labels.  It resulted in nulling and voiding the system I had created.  

I think it was her way of reclaiming her room (and pulling it back into the abyss of chaos). 

Several times I stripped her room of toys.  This at first made her sad, but then ultimately made her feel rescued, so I had to rethink the benefits of that idea.  

Her room has been my white whale throughout the years, a whale that has kicked my butt so hard that have I lapsed into periods of avoidance.  But I always find my way back to crusader mode. 

This weekend, the saga of managing Kloe's bedroom had a new chapter installment. 

In an effort to make her embrace her bedroom and really make it hers, I decided an overhaul was needed.  She no longer wanted the loft bed she's been using (and before that a bunk bed), so I found a new regular twin bed.  Well, not really new, but a used and in great condition bed off of craigslist

(If I ever just up and disappear, you can fairly safely assume that I finally wandered to the wrong craigslist ad and am now chopped into bits floating somewhere down the river). 

I also found a taller/less space-consuming dresser for her (again off of craigslist), as well as a bookshelf and nightstand.  Between the extra storage that the bed has under it, and all of the extra storage all of the other new items, it should be easier to make a place for her things. 

Saturday, Kloe and I went to the paint store where she picked a new wall color completely by herself.  The last time I painted in there, I chose a yellow color (cheerful, right?) She never approved. 

She wanted her walls to be "carmel", and chose a warmish tan color.  We (and I mean Kloe and I) put the first coat of paint down last night (Sunday).  Fifteen minutes into the process, she stopped and said "Doing this is not as fun as it looks" (and I smile as I type that).  I replied "Yes, I know that because this is the fourth time I have painted this little room of yours, and the first two times I did the whole thing by myself".  My hope (which I expressed to her), is that by understanding how much work it is to paint a bedroom, she will have a better understanding about why it is so important to me that she try to resist the urge to use thumb tacks to display her ever changing works of art (I will be hanging a new cork board though, because her art really does need to be displayed). 

She has also chose a new comforter set for her new bed, which I will be ordering soon.  I have really had to resist the urge to take over this choice, because Kloe and I like very different styles and colors (I want lots of bright colors, and she keeps leaning towards more subdued colors).

 I don't consider myself a controlling person, but the amount of effort it has taken to put the brakes on just taking over and doing it my way has been considerable.  I've had to focus on the big picture goal, which is not having a bedroom decorated just as I would like, but instead to have a room that Kloe feels connected to.  I am hoping that this will create more of a sense of responsibility in taking care of it.  

Now, we wait and watch and hope for success.  :)

The Apple and the Tree 1

I may have to remove this post someday.  I don't want Kloe to read it when she is sixteen and begin to define herself by what I see.  She will need to define herself, and who knows how her story will go.  With that being said, I will keep it somewhere for her.  Who knows; she may find herself  with a little girl who struggles with the same things someday, and another mother's feelings on the matter might be appreciated.

I am feeling anxious this morning. Stressed out over third grade homework. I am torn between feeling angry at the teacher for assigning (what I feel is) ridiculous amounts of homework. I am also angry at my child for not writing down these same assignments or making the effort needed to get it done. I am also angry at myself for not being one of those super moms that is on top of ever minute part of her kids lives, because when they have an issue with homework, it also means I haven't done my part to make sure my child got it done.

I understand where my girl is coming from. I wrote a huge (unsent) email, dissecting her personality in regards to something as concrete as homework.

When my boy came along, I was actually astounded at how he took to the school system. He enjoys learning, doing assignments, and hardly ever misses school, even when given a chance to. I've known I couldn't take credit for any of those behaviors, because even if I could change my grown up self back into a child, I still wouldn't have the amount of enthusiasm and responsibility for school that my 11 year old son has.

 

With all that being said, we live in a world that doesn't regard dreamy-ness and forgetfulness as endearing qualities. To see her under the barrel of an unfinished assignment brings up every residual feeling I have from being in the same situation as a child and teenager. I don't want her memories of the public school system to be just a string of horrible, uncomfortable events of not completing homework. I just don't know how to make her care more.

 

This is the letter I wanted to send to her teacher. I didn't send it because D thought I was making too many excuses for her behavior and that it was too long. I still believe what I wrote though.

The (Unsent) Letter to my Girl's Teacher:

Just wanted to share some of my thoughts about my girl. I have a lot of empathy for her. The apple does not fall far from the tree. I was a lot like her as a child. I still have report cards with teachers commenting that I daydreamed too much, didn't always remember to turn in my homework, and that I had potential to do a lot better if I would just apply myself more.

The situation you described this morning with the missing folders, frantic searching and ultimate meltdown sounded like something right out of my childhood. I hated those moments. I hated the consequences of being disorganized, but I just was! I think she feels the same way. The arguing about the spelling word and general meltdown after being faced with the consequences of being disorganized also sounds familiar.

I cared that my mom cared and I cared that my teachers thought these things were important, because I wanted to please them and I didn't like getting into trouble.  Other than that, I didn't actually care about school or homework.

How grown-ups dealt with me:

*My mom started closing the door to my bedroom and just tried not to look. This resulted in a very messy room for a lot of years, and a more peaceful relationship with my mother. Eventually I started caring (around the age of 17) and I started cleaning it all on my own.

*My fifth grade teacher encouraged my stronger points (writing and art). She made me feel good about who I was, and believe that I had very positive qualities. I loved her for it. Because of that, I really did try to turn in my homework assignments so I could live up to how great of a student she believed I was.

*My sixth grade teacher was more of an 'obedience through fear' kind of teacher. Every time I failed to turn an assignment, he drew a lot of attention to it by embarrassing me in front of the other students. When I was staring off out the window instead of paying attention, that was when he would call on me and then I'd be in a lot of trouble (loud scoldings, again in front of the class). The result was I became a straight A student and became super focused in class. I still wouldn't recommend this method.  The negative consequences to my self esteem far out lasted that years progress.

I guess my biggest concern with my daughter is that she remains who she is. I know she needs to be a responsible kid who does her homework. We really do try to help her with it. Every day we have her do her homework and then one of us signs it. It is frustrating that we still are having problems with it, but I feel like there has been progress. Being organized, being aware of time, and being bored with routine, and also managing emotions are always going to be things that she struggles with. We will keep trying to help her grow with these things. But I don't want these things to define her school experience either. While I want to help her with her weaknesses, I don't want it to be at the cost of her self-esteem which should be built on her amazing strengths, like how kind, compassionate and imaginative she is.  She has a bright and excited spirit that she brings to anything she is interested in, and an awesome sense of humor. I know that while the school system can and will reward kids who were born with the strengths of my son, it can also be pretty hard on a kid who was born with the weaknesses of my daughter. I don't want it to beat her down.

(End of Letter)

SO, anyone have any ideas about how to motivate my girl to stay on top of her homework assignments?

The Room of Many Tears

Kloe's room was a sight to behold this morning.  It is a sight to behold most mornings. 

I'm sorry Future Kloe, but you know it's true.  Your room makes me weep in frustration.  I'll tell you why we have this issue, my girl.  It's the old 'Mother's Curse'.  My room made my mom want to cry too when I was your age.  Actually, I'm pretty sure it made her want to cry until I moved out. 

I have company coming next week.  Company usually gets tucked away in... you guessed it, Kloe's room.  It needed to get cleaned for real today.  I have crumbled before and completely taken over the hours of cleaning, which has including throwing out a lot of stuff. 

Kloe, today when you came into my room and asked me if I would just come in there and throw everything away for you, I realized I've done you a horrible disservice.  I've made you think that if you just drag your feet and give up, eventually someone will come in and do it for you.  Real life doesn't work that way....  I know, I used to try that trick when I was a kid too (and sometimes even as a grown up) and it very rarely works out.  Even those times it seemed to work out, I was left feeling like I wasn't smart enough or strong enough or 'whatever kind of enough' it takes to get the job done.  The thing is, that isn't true of me and it is definitely not true of you either.  You, my girl, can do anything you decide you want to do.  Even clean that messed up, overwhelmingly tangled room of yours.

We had some "talks" about it today, mostly aimed at motivating you to action.  You cried.  Actually, you cried quite a lot.  The thing is, when you went back into your room to keep slugging away at it, I was out in the garage with Daddy, and I was crying too.  I hate  when I have to discipline you, but I love you too much not to. 

I eventually helped you write a plan of action to deal with the mess, and then I went to work.  Daddy helped you stay motivated to clean the rest of it.  And you know what?  When I came home, your room looked great- better than if I had done it myself. 

Derrick also stopped by Bella Savauge and grabbed me a gift certificate to have some pampering time.  So love that man.  I was so stressed when I left this house this morning, but he'd managed to help make this so much better by the time I got home. 

When we make ourselves do the hard thing, the right kind of help is always so very appreciated.

P.S. Future Kloe... I love you, dirty room or not!!!!

The Tortures of Cleaning One's Room

For the love of PETE. 

Kloe has been in her room for FOUR HOURS, "cleaning".  Argh.  I was ready to jump in there are three and a half hours ago to do it myself, but then I got the 'She'll never learn to do it herself if you keep jumping in there to do it' speech from Derrick, so I withdrew.  Talk about torturing the both of us.  If I wasn't determined to clean her carpet tomorrow I would just give up. 

Not worth it. 

BUT, since giving up isn't an option for either of us at this point, and she only has thirty-five minutes left before bedtime, I've had to resort to threatening to keep her lizards in my room for a while.  I actually hear a lot more movement in her room, so maybe everything will be work out?  A lot of flinging and flouncing actually.  I'm definitely not on her 'top five parent list' at the moment.

Derrin's still working in his room too.  He's doing the finer details, like figuring out what to do with all the shoes lining his walls.  I think it only took him so long because I found a really cool fish tank for his room today, so he was moving his little bug-eye goldfish "Wolf" over to his new home and coaxing him to eat.

We bought Wolf yesterday at Walmart.  I'm hoping that he lives longer than any of the other fish I've bought from there.  Usually they only make it a week or two before floating belly up.  He (*as in DERRIN, not WOLF- thanks for calling me about that Renae-haha* :) was willing to go grocery shopping with me if I took him to Pet Smart, but then Pet Smart was closed.  He was one sad little guy.  Getting the fish at Walmart made the sad face go away.  Hopefully it's not back in a couple weeks.

While Derrin and I were out fish/grocery shopping, Derrick took Kloe to get a new bike- her feet were draggin on the ground on her old one. By their bike riding accounts, a good time was has by all (as in Kloe and Derrick- Derrin and I were on the aforementioned grocery shopping expedition).

Okay.  The moment of truth is coming up (13 extra minutes, hopefully spent well).  Time to go check out the rooms and then kiss some kids before sleepy time.  Hoping Kloe's lizards aren't coming into the Gramma Lizard's room.

A Clean Room...

On a different note, Kloe's room is once again clean. That is something that bares reporting AND repeating: KLOE'S ROOM IS ONCE AGAIN CLEAN. I would like -->*like*<-- to report that she was the one that made it so, and I can say that it was a semi-valiant effort... well, at least it was a time-consuming effort. She spent a lot of time in there, rearranging piles and tucking things away into nooks and crannies, hopefully never to be heard from again. *sigh* *SIGH* And then... ->I<- caved and cleaned it for her. It took me two and a half HOURS to do it!!! (!) Three bags of garbage, all art supplies gathered and boxed together, dresser drawers rearranged into some semblance of order, new clothes bar installed that is just her height so she can now hang up her OWN clothes, toys grouped together in their own boxes... new baskets just for shoes.... and presto, CLEAN.

New plan of action: To avoid repeating our pattern yet again, I have put labels on EVERYTHING. Everything now has a home. It finally dawned on me that she makes no distinction between any of her treasures- they are all equal in her eyes, and they all deserve to roam about her room as they will. My sweet little moonbeam of a child... Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on who you are asking), there is a new sheriff in charge (at least until she learns how to corral her own stuff). This has to be better than the frustration that inevitably comes when her room is completely out of control again.

Status of room so far: CLEAN (for two whole days!!!)

While the kids are gone...

My plan this morning involved cleaning the carpets in both the kids' rooms since they would have time to dry before the kids got home on Sunday. I went into Kloe's room and discovered that somehow in the 12 hours between when it was last cleaned and we left (most of which were spent sleeping), somehow a rock bomb went off in there. Seriously, there is rubble everywhere. What can I say? My girl loves rocks passionately- she has hundreds in her room, stored away in boxes in her closet, and sometimes she sets them free. Another thing she is passionate about are her lizards. The other day she was showing me a big size tic-tac container filled with white flaky stuff. Turns out she saves her lizards skin when they shed. Yeah, a little... um, eccentric? I asked her why she wanted to save the skins, and she said "to remember them!" I guess it isn't any weirder than saving your baby's first hair cut, right? :)
So, tomorrow includes cleaning up the rubble, and getting the kid's rooms mom-clean before they get back.

My Heart

Kloe has been in her room for about the last hour. She is supposed to be cleaning it, but I am pretty much certain that very little is getting done. I get lots of hugs from her when it is time to clean her room. She calls them hug breaks.

She just came out a second ago and told me she should not have to clean her room. I shook my head, rolling my eyes and asked her,"Kloe, why in the world should you not have to clean your own room?"

With the conviction that she has on most things, she emphatically said,"Mommy, my heart is just telling me I don't WANT to!"

Ok. Very Funny Girl.
But she still has to clean her room.

She comes out 10 minutes later with a peice of paper in her hand.

"WHAT are you doing Kloe?" I ask her again, I admit impatiently.

"Well, I have to get my list finished in the kitchen", she says a little sheepishly.

"WHAT LIST???" I say in my usual voice, which always denotes how astounded I am at the lengths she will go through to not clean her room. After all, the girl can not read. Or write. Which makes a list somewhat unnecessary.

"Um... this is my pretend list that tells me what I need to be cleaning in my room."

Okay. She made me laugh again.

But she still has to clean her room.