Parallel Universe

Kloe and I usually rock along fine unless there are other children involved, even if that other child is her brother. This year that meant that from 8:25 until 11:00 every morning during the school year, we would have a peaceful household. The rest of the time (including summer vacation) is a total crapshoot. Sometimes she loves her brother but a lot of the time she could totally annihilate him if she had superhuman powers to do so. Fortunately she is smaller than him and can do no serious harm.

This week was EXTRA difficult for Kloe because she had not just a brother to contend with, but also her little cousin Aiyana. Now, Kloe and Aiyana absolutely LOVE eachother for the first day. After that all walls come down and they enter a temperary sisterhood that includes both love AND fighting to the death over any toy, chair, blanket, or pinecone that they deem worthy of their affections. Throw Derrin in the mix and you have a screamfest worthy of any rockstar. Derrin and Aiyana seemed to shift from war time to peace time with relative ease, but Kloe doesn't switch gears quite so quickly. She was on edge most of the week. She was in trouble most of the week. It was a hard week.

Aiyana went to her Gramma's house yesterday. Kloe cried her eyes out. She is still sad. Kids are so funny. Even if they fight the whole time, they would still rather be with eachother than apart. And the next time they are together they will still be best buds.

Yesterday at the daycare they were doing face painting and hand painting as I came in to pick them us (side point- I cleaned my house while they were at the daycare and it is finally really clean- yeah for me!!!). Kloe wanted a rainbow on her hand. They have a picture there with all of the designs the kids can choose from and there with an example of a delicate little rainbow. She wanted THAT rainbow. The girl with the paints started the rainbow and right away Kloe could tell it was not right. It was too big. The colors were in the wrong order. She kept saying in her four year old voice,"No, that is not right. The colors are WRONG", to which the girl painting would say,"just a minute, I will make it right." Well, anyone could see it was just getting bigger and bigger. Kloe's anxiety was growing with the rainbow. I was just mentally thinking "paint faster paint faster" because I had a lot of things I needed to finish doing at home. When the girl announced she was done there was a moment of silence from my daughter. Then her lips began to tremble. It was building inside of her... a burst of," I HATE THIS!!! IT IS ALL WRONG!!!", which she has been saying quietly the whole time... My knee jerk reaction was to shake her (of course I didn't), but instead I took my shrieking daughter to the daycare bathroom for a couple minutes, tried unsuccessfully to reason with her, then took her to the car to wait for her brother to get his face painted. She cried the whole time. Brokenheart. Hating the Rainbow.

My daughter is like me. I could explain and explain to her why she should settle down, but she is not hearing words, she is just feeling her disappointment. I just have 27 more years of experience that keeps me from shouting when I am disappointed. Just last week we had our family portrait taken. I knew I didn't like it as soon as it was time to pick our package. Instead of having an outburst, I put on my big fake smile and picked the picture I hated the least. Then I went home and stewed about it all night. The next day I was so aggravated I felt like punching walls (I was also pmsing *very dangerous*). I called my mom and complained. I called my husband and complained. Finally I called the store and asked them to redo the pictures, which they said they would do. The point is, I have impulse control. Instead of shrieking,"I HATE IT! IT'S ALL WRONG", I waited until I felt calmer to discuss the issue. Impulse control. But it took many years to develope it! When impulse control is still so hard for me, how in the world am I supposed to teach it to my little daughter? Any ideas?

On a completely seperate issue, I wanted to say something about my Mom. She is doing awesome!!! Before they did the surgery on her liver her CEA count (cancer count) was at 4000. We had it tested post-surgery, and after two months of hoxsey and her special diet and it was down to 38.9. This week she had it tested and it is down to 13.4. A cancer-free persons CEA level is 2. It is working! I am excited to see what it will be next month!!