January 29, 2009

Things you should not do.

1. Okay, as this is the SECOND time I am going to write this, I will say the number one thing you should NOT do is just assume when you hit the post button at the bottom of your blog that it will actually post your blog. Most likely you will get a blank screen and the inability to go back to anything you have just typed...

2. Something I learned last night- You should NOT put the inner sanctum of your crock pot on a stove burner thinking it should be heat safe since it handles boiling soup for hours at a time. It is simply not so.

3. You should NEVER go to CostCo at 5 or 6 at night thinking you will actually find a parking place. You are in for some big ol' disappointment right about then.

4. Never expect to write anything or send an email at the local library's internet cafe. For one, the internet connection is at a bare crawl maximum, probably designed to discourage loitering from the local weirdos. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to be working. Because for two, all of the local weirdos are there for one reason: To stare at YOU, their new victim to steal an identity from or just plain murder.

5. Never throw the cat in the garage at three in the morning because he won't stop biting you and waking up the kids. If you do, just make sure to put the litter box out too.

6. Back to the library- never think you can read one of the cool magazines they have just laying around there. This one is tricky and unexpected because even though they have the cushy leather chairs there, just begging you to sit in them to read the magazine, they also have the previously mentioned weirdos. One of who is going to sit in the chair next to you. And he will have terets. And he will hurt insults at your mother and discuss bodily functions in a random non-direct manner. And you will feel compelled to sit there for at least ten minutes because you don't want to hurt his feelings by leaving.

7. You should NEVER eat all of the marshmallows out of the bag of Marshmallow Maities (the cheap version of lucky charms). You will feel sick. Your children will hate you at breakfast the next morning when they are eatting their plain ol' Maities.

8. After not ice-skating for at least ten years or so, you should not decide after ten minutes of re-breaking in time that you are indeed the ice-skating viturtuoso that you've always suspected you were. You really shouldn't decide that it is time for speed skating around the rink before you have fully remembered how to use the toe pick. And you should not do all of this with your much loved camera hanging around your neck. To do so will mean that you will have to sacrifice your body to save the camera when the toe pick will catch you off gaurd (as was inevitable), while you are going around the sharper corner of the ring. Pure mangling of the said body will result. On the brighter side of this, you will meet new friends as fellow skaters crouch around you to see if you still have a pulse.

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