No Hugging

Yesterday was the special assembly day here in Missoula.  It was great to see everyone, and the talks were just wonderful.  But Mom wasn't able to come.  I knew I was sad, but I was still just happy to be there.  You know how you can sorta just put the bad to the back of your mind, or at least bury it under a couple of layers of skin?  I didn't bury it far enough though.  Everyone kept asking how she was, where she was... and finally when one of my cousins gave me a hug and started crying, I was done.  Sobbing, the kind where your whole body shakes.  After that it just felt so close to the surface- I felt like if anyone so much as touched me too kindly I was going to lose it. Actually I lost it a couple more times anyways.  Public displays of emotion are so NOT ME!!! Or they weren't me.  I have a feeling they are going to BE me for awhile now.