Pond Predicament

I just have to report that my son, although only being the tender age of ten, has learned the art of making the perfect cup of coffee.  Or I should say, he makes the perfect cup of coffee in my terms of java perfection.  Super black (3/4 cup of grounds and 3-4 cups of water...)

I was in the middle of typing the above, when I heard hysterical cry at the door.  I was thinking, "Wow, Anikan is starting to sound really human", because the kids had left for the bus stop already about fifteen minutes before.  Then the door opened, and it was my neighbor with Kloe, who was wailing and completely soaked and freezing.  It's 22 degrees out there this morning.  She had been playing on the frozen retention pond that is directly behind where the school bus stop is (such a great place for a place for children to wait for a bus), and had fallen in.  It's only a couple of feet deep, but it was a cold walk home. Talk about natural consequences; I don't think she will be playing on that pond again. Thankfully, I was on the second cup of the strong coffee Derrin had made for me this morning, so I was well prepared for the drama.

*Sigh* Part of me feels guilty for not being the mom who walks her kids to the bus.  It is just a quick jaunt away though, right around the corner from our house.  I always fuss over them as they leave the house, lots of hugs and kisses.  I just hate the whole having to mingle with the other parents after the kids get on the bus.  The awkward conversation, the having to face that one neighbor who is always already dressed to perfection, with her hair coiffed, make up on and a stinkin' sunny disposition.  YUK.  I am not a strong enough person to face that, at least not before 9 a.m.  And who do you think was the neighbor to rescue my drenched kid and bring her to me (me with my bed-head, bathrobe and coffee in hand *the coffee was in hand, the robe was on my body*), but my super beautiful/awesome neighbor herself (to whom I am grateful for, morning person or no).

Now I have a little girl, wrapped up in blankets, by me on the couch.  My morning Friends has been replaced by Finding Nemo (ironic choice of movie for someone who just fell into a pond), and I now have 15 minutes less time to get ready for work cuz I'll need to swing by the school to drop off Pond Girl.  Better sign off and start getting ready for work.

Anticipation

"The great thing, if one can, is to stop regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions of one's 'own,' or 'real' life. The truth is of course that what one calls the interruptions are precisely one's real life." ~ C.S. Lewis---- I just like this quote a lot. It reminds me of winter (and of winter-ish times in life), and of how I wish half of my life away while I pine for Spring to come.

The sun is out today.  I went out for a walk/run, and there was an actual warm breeze blowing in my face  *happy sigh*.  The first day of spring is in 33 more days.  It is coming people!!!  I am looking forward to seeing all the snow melt, and to little tulips and spring flowers pushing up through unfrozen dirt.  Looking forward to walking out my door and being hit with the delicious smell of spring.... also to seeing the fields turn yellow with wild flowers.  Can't wait to get my hands into the dirt,  planting seeds and anticipating their growth.  Soon there will be days and days of sun, just waiting for all living things to come out and soak it up.

In the mean time, I am happy to be here, right now- even if it is still winter.

Crying

“Crying is all right in its way while it lasts. But you have to stop sooner or later and then you still have to decide what to do.”

 C.S. Lewis quote

 

One of those days

I'm not doing so good today.  I guess it's to be expected, this is usually around the time (during a month) when I start feeling everything more.  I think women are made this way because we need to be able to process what life deals us, but if we always felt everything this intensely we wouldn't be able to function ever.

Didn't go to work today. Still in my pajamas on the couch (at 12:30 in the afternoon).  Since I'm already in "that" place, I decided to work on Mom's slideshow today.  I've been trying to figure out how to get it on a disc to send out to relatives for awhile.  This was the first time I tried to with my new laptop, and it actually worked.  Sweet success- and one less thing hanging over my head!  That slideshow is a killer though.  I feel like a limp wrung out dishrag.  I hadn't watched it since the funeral, and it hasn't lost any of it's emotional impact.  At least today wasn't a total loss now- even if I've done nothing else, I did the slideshow.



My favorite pic of my momma and I (from the slideshow)taken right after my great niece
(and Mom's great grand-daughter) Aiyana was born.  Happy tears that day.



T. Falls

Last night I had a dream about Mom.  She was showing me how to use her new washer and dryer, and it felt so real.  I could hear her, smell her, and feel her touching my shoulder.  It was so good to hear her voice.  I wish that I had saved all of the voice messages she ever left for me so I could at least have that.  I took so many pictures of her, especially in those four years that we knew she had cancer.  I know someday those pictures are going to be nice to look at, but right now they are a little too bitter for me.  I wish I would have taken videos and recorded her voice- something to capture who she really was.

This last weekend was great.  We stayed at Renae's and everyone came over for the day.  We played scrabble and hand n foot (not to brag, but I totally won*hehe*) and then Renae made some of her fabulous lasagna.  Dad came down to spend the day with us, and he also came down the next day for our super bowl party.  We went to meeting on Sunday and got to see our friends there (hi Amy!).  Love going to T.Falls- it's like a giant hug for me.

Super Bowlies

Our game of Hand n Foot was WAY more exciting.

Self Portrait of EmWha during a superbowl game
(I took some of the other card players, but I'm thinkin'
they might not appreciate them on the internet...)

I hear the Packers won.

Looking Forward

*We are going to T. Falls this weekend to see my family:))))  Very happy about this- it has been too long since we've been down there. 

*Also, I made arrangements yesterday to take the summer off.  Right now it looks hopeful that I can come back in the fall when the kids go back to school... should be finding out more definitely if that is the case in the next week or so. 

*Hmmm, now that I decided the use the whole "*" system, it really seems like I should a have couple more things to announce, but at this moment I do not.  Looking forward to the weekend and summer is pretty much all I got at the moment, and that is a good place to be:)

Gedanken Experiment

An experiment carried out in thought only. 

Einstein's Thought Experiment

Decisions Decisions....

“Whatever you don’t like, change.  It’s the beauty of being human.  We get to change our minds.  We get to choose again.  And we know how to laugh.”- Lois Levy

"For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else."- Ralph Waldo Emerson 


"Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts."  Arnold Bennett

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude." Maya Angelou

"We can change our lives.  We can do, have and be exactly what we wish." Tony Robbins


Change is scary for me (and probably for most people).  Sometimes you have no say in the matter; life changes completely without your permission.  Other times there is choice involved.  The thing is, it can be hard to decide when you need to change things.  It's hard to tell if that little nagging voice in the back of your head needs to be heeded or hushed up.  I have a hard time letting myself quit, whether it's a project, a relationship, a job, or anything I've been giving my attention to.  It isn't so much stubbornness, as a general distrust of my own feelings.  Am I just tired of whatever I'm thinking of quitting?  Am I going to regret my choice when a little bit of time has passed?  Am I being lazy?  Do my feelings of wanting to quit have any validity?


What I know is that we are all the creators of our own reality.  Right now my reality does not feel like what I want to choose.  I want to have a positive attitude and really I am doing okay in that department, all things considered.  But I feel like I need to change some things.  Anyways, I am planning on taking action and setting some of those changes in motion.  Nothing immediate... just setting the groundwork for later.  As long as I can see things changing in the future, I can make it through the days feeling more in control.

Pros:

• To spend the kid's summer vacation with them- spend more time playing.
• To be able to spend more time with my sister, dad, steph, tara and david, friends, and to have  the freedom to do so.
• To be able to spend more time camping and making memories with my husband and family.  
• To be able to be at home on days when I can not deal with people and I'm feeling too fragile.
• Easier to schedule service.
• Easier to schedule running
• Tired of dealing with cranky people (of the grown-up variety)
• More time to pursue photography, art and making jewelry, and writing.

Cons:

• Will need to find another way to make money, or make due with less- although this may interfere any of the fun stuff that requires money.
• Won't be forced to deal with people as much (which is actually a good thing for me).
• Will need to force myself to be scheduled without being on someone else's schedule.
• The chances of finding a place to work where I like the people (fellow employees anyways), where they are so kind about my schedule, and where they pay as decently, are pretty slim.