January Running- 2012

These pics are from last Friday.  I took the day off work, had an awesome run (it was SUCH a pretty day), and wrote and sent out some letters and pictures like I've been meaning to forever.  Need more days like last Friday.

My running buddy Jessy.

At the end of the magic dirt road, just about ready to turn around and run back.

Self Portrait

January 2012, no snow!

Beautiful day

My dirt road.

Common find along this road of mine.  Think maybe the above picture lead to the bottom picture?

Dreaming Duo~ The Apple and the Tree 2

Exert yourself. Force yourself to pay attention to what is going on. Do not drift off or tune out people, or daydream. Become an active participant in the world around you. 

 

~This was in my email inbox today, from a website that gives advice to a person's specific personality foibles.  It's ironic that I received this particular advice on this day, because this pretty much sums up what I told my daughter as she was leaving our house to catch the bus.  About 45 minutes later I received a phone call from her telling me she had forgot her homework at home again.

 

I have to remind myself that she is going to have some growing pains just like everybody else.  Because she seems to share many of the same 'pains' as I have experienced, it triggers especially powerful feelings of frustration and guilt.  

 

I know what it is like to navigate through grade school, junior high, high school, college, relationships, jobs, and pretty much anything else that requires a certain amount of personal engagement. I know that sudden feeling of free falling through space only painfully connect with whatever it is I wasn't paying attention to.  It has been a life long journey for me, this learning how to stay inside of myself instead of floating along in dreamland far far away from planet Earth.  

 

I don't want my little girl to experience those particular hard thumps of life.  I want to help her.   It's hard finding the balance of how to reach her.  If I speak too soft, it doesn't penetrate the happy place where she lives.  If I speak too hard, I become one of the very thumps that I don't want her to experience.  I just can't seem to find the happy medium we both need.

The Apple and the Tree 1

I may have to remove this post someday.  I don't want Kloe to read it when she is sixteen and begin to define herself by what I see.  She will need to define herself, and who knows how her story will go.  With that being said, I will keep it somewhere for her.  Who knows; she may find herself  with a little girl who struggles with the same things someday, and another mother's feelings on the matter might be appreciated.

I am feeling anxious this morning. Stressed out over third grade homework. I am torn between feeling angry at the teacher for assigning (what I feel is) ridiculous amounts of homework. I am also angry at my child for not writing down these same assignments or making the effort needed to get it done. I am also angry at myself for not being one of those super moms that is on top of ever minute part of her kids lives, because when they have an issue with homework, it also means I haven't done my part to make sure my child got it done.

I understand where my girl is coming from. I wrote a huge (unsent) email, dissecting her personality in regards to something as concrete as homework.

When my boy came along, I was actually astounded at how he took to the school system. He enjoys learning, doing assignments, and hardly ever misses school, even when given a chance to. I've known I couldn't take credit for any of those behaviors, because even if I could change my grown up self back into a child, I still wouldn't have the amount of enthusiasm and responsibility for school that my 11 year old son has.

 

With all that being said, we live in a world that doesn't regard dreamy-ness and forgetfulness as endearing qualities. To see her under the barrel of an unfinished assignment brings up every residual feeling I have from being in the same situation as a child and teenager. I don't want her memories of the public school system to be just a string of horrible, uncomfortable events of not completing homework. I just don't know how to make her care more.

 

This is the letter I wanted to send to her teacher. I didn't send it because D thought I was making too many excuses for her behavior and that it was too long. I still believe what I wrote though.

The (Unsent) Letter to my Girl's Teacher:

Just wanted to share some of my thoughts about my girl. I have a lot of empathy for her. The apple does not fall far from the tree. I was a lot like her as a child. I still have report cards with teachers commenting that I daydreamed too much, didn't always remember to turn in my homework, and that I had potential to do a lot better if I would just apply myself more.

The situation you described this morning with the missing folders, frantic searching and ultimate meltdown sounded like something right out of my childhood. I hated those moments. I hated the consequences of being disorganized, but I just was! I think she feels the same way. The arguing about the spelling word and general meltdown after being faced with the consequences of being disorganized also sounds familiar.

I cared that my mom cared and I cared that my teachers thought these things were important, because I wanted to please them and I didn't like getting into trouble.  Other than that, I didn't actually care about school or homework.

How grown-ups dealt with me:

*My mom started closing the door to my bedroom and just tried not to look. This resulted in a very messy room for a lot of years, and a more peaceful relationship with my mother. Eventually I started caring (around the age of 17) and I started cleaning it all on my own.

*My fifth grade teacher encouraged my stronger points (writing and art). She made me feel good about who I was, and believe that I had very positive qualities. I loved her for it. Because of that, I really did try to turn in my homework assignments so I could live up to how great of a student she believed I was.

*My sixth grade teacher was more of an 'obedience through fear' kind of teacher. Every time I failed to turn an assignment, he drew a lot of attention to it by embarrassing me in front of the other students. When I was staring off out the window instead of paying attention, that was when he would call on me and then I'd be in a lot of trouble (loud scoldings, again in front of the class). The result was I became a straight A student and became super focused in class. I still wouldn't recommend this method.  The negative consequences to my self esteem far out lasted that years progress.

I guess my biggest concern with my daughter is that she remains who she is. I know she needs to be a responsible kid who does her homework. We really do try to help her with it. Every day we have her do her homework and then one of us signs it. It is frustrating that we still are having problems with it, but I feel like there has been progress. Being organized, being aware of time, and being bored with routine, and also managing emotions are always going to be things that she struggles with. We will keep trying to help her grow with these things. But I don't want these things to define her school experience either. While I want to help her with her weaknesses, I don't want it to be at the cost of her self-esteem which should be built on her amazing strengths, like how kind, compassionate and imaginative she is.  She has a bright and excited spirit that she brings to anything she is interested in, and an awesome sense of humor. I know that while the school system can and will reward kids who were born with the strengths of my son, it can also be pretty hard on a kid who was born with the weaknesses of my daughter. I don't want it to beat her down.

(End of Letter)

SO, anyone have any ideas about how to motivate my girl to stay on top of her homework assignments?

Winter Time

First Real Haircut

It was bound to happen eventually, but I was still surprised when my girl told me that she wanted to get her hair cut yesterday. Intially I resisted. I have been the primary caretaker of that hair since she was a baby, and I loved it. But, she IS eight years old and it is her hair. The long hair was beautiful, but not very easy to take care of. It will be easier for her to take care of now. I think she is so cute with her new doo!

This is being sent to "Locks of Love"

It is really and truly winter out there again tonight.  Today it really snowed, the roads got bad, and the wind blew hard.  It was the first blizzard of the season.  It's still new enough that the novelty hasn't worn off;  I'm not minding it at all.  

much ado

I really should be making dinner right now instead of writing a blog post.  I really should be buying groceries so I can start dinner pretty soon instead of writing this blog post.  Instead I am sitting here, perusing the internet,  and listening to my kids making crazy noise outside of the house (outside lest the crazy infect me too).  I'm thinking it's a pizza night. 

It's already getting dark outside.  Yesterday was daylight savings in the direction of falling back, which is much easier than springing forward.  I have nothing against falling back, but I hold a huge vendetta against springing forward as that one hour of stolen sleep takes me about 6 weeks to adjust to every year.  One can not fall back as an option every time, however.  Apparently, we can't just leave time alone either. 

Things have quieted down around here lately.  I'm super busy still, but the lack of any current trauma has me floundering.  What in the world is there to do if I can't be obsessing about anything specific?  My monkey mind can't even seem to drudge up imaginary things to worry about at the moment.  What in the world am I supposed to write about?!? 

While I ponder, I thought I might post some pictures I took this fall at my friend Deana's place:

Cool Old Car:  Pretty sure my Dad would approve

What is it with me and rusty old chains... sure there must
be some deeper meaning here. 

Little Blue Eyed Horsie

Horse striking a mysterious and nonchalant pose

Some Pictures That Made Me Smile This Week

I have a lot of friends and family who are on crazy awesome vacations right now.  That sounds pretty nice.  Someday I will go to Istanbul and Greece. 

I have a friend who is writing a newspaper column and doing a crazy writing challenge of like 1600 words a day for a month.  I am super impressed and inspired.

I have a friend who responded to a stressful situation by tiling the walls to her laundry room and doing a complete redo on her art room.  This too inspires me.

Now that basic order has been restored again, I need to add some excitement back into this mix; the final ingredient to surviving winter once again.

One of my favorite blogs- Hyperbole and a Half

I am saving this picture- a sweet find!  Ammunition in the mental game that is poker.  :)

Laundry, Schedules and Other Interesting Topics

Been meaning to update in here for awhile, but actually being able to find the time and the desire and the words to write down has been beyond me for weeks.  So, it is 2:37 AM, a time when I should be snuggled up in bed, toasty and asleep.  For some reason my brain decided to snap back to attention at 1:30 AM.  Instead of fighting it, I came out into the living room thinking I would be super woman and write something in here.  Instead I started doing the inevitable Internet surfing, in which I find myself looking at random pictures of Maine Coons and catching up on my favorite blogs written by other people. 

Tomorrow I don't go to work until noon.  This house is a WRECK.  I have ambitious plans of doing many loads of laundry, cleaning everything, vacuuming and scrubbing and making this place sparkle all before I leave the house.  If nothing else, I will make a big enough dent in the wreckage so that when I walk through the door upon returning from work, I won't get that fight or flight response I had today when I got home.

I was so on top of all of this too!  For the last couple of weeks I have been following a schedule religiously.  There are days for working for the business to chip away at the list our accountant gave me and balance QB. Days for cleaning the house and doing laundry. This all mixed in with working at my part time job and getting back into my regular running/exercise schedule, while still making sure the kid's homework is done, their rooms are being cleaned, groceries are bought, and meals are created.  Things were under control!!  I was giving myself pats on the back for the consistent organization that I'd accomplished in my life for many many days in a row. 

This weekend my dad got really sick and had to be hospitalized.  I spent most of the weekend over there with him, trading off and on with my siblings until he felt well enough to leave today.  He still doesn't feel awesome, but he's happy to be out of the hospital (he's staying at my sister's house for now).  It was a pretty chaotic weekend for all of us.  Lots of sleep deprivation and taking care of things more important than laundry and cleaning stuff.  Oh well, those things always wait for me.

Besides the craziness of this weekend, I am feeling better (since my last couple of blog posts).  The vitamins, candida cleanse, running, and getting rescheduled in life all seem to have finally kicked in.  Just in time for winter, which was what I hoped would happen.  I think I will survive in one piece now.  Another thing that I just started about two and a half weeks ago (with Shannon) is a workout called Body Pump.  It is a brutal workout that engages all muscle groups with thousands of reps to music for about an hour just a couple times a week.  I feel so much mentally clearer since I started going.  The hour of pain is definitely worth it.

Different topic... We took the kids to a pool party last night.  Lots of their (and our) friends were there, and it was super fun.  A great way to avoid being at home on halloween night!  Mental note: must do this again next year.

Well, this has been a lot of rambling.  It's been fun, but I think I am tired now.  Gonna go to bed and hope for a fabulous four hours of sleep before I get up again and start kicking butt (maybe) and get reschedulized.