From Paradise: nikki

November 9, 2015

Moving Beyond

We are so close to being done with this whole moving, fixing up the new place,and then fixing up the old place for the new renters thing. So.very.close.

Sabrina and DezNik came over to help me with cleaning/painting the old place today. Soooo much help. Sabrina is such a fast painter. Daaaang. She knocked out about 45% of what needs to get done in one day. And DezNik made my refrigerator look like new. Awesome- that was one of my most dreaded jobs over there.

While we were getting ready to leave, the subject of a wedding came up. The whole wedding photography thing was sure to follow. I have to admit, it's a bit of a sore subject with me.

It's one of those topics where I need to sort of stand outside myself and watch myself talk about it. Obviously (at least to anyone who has ever heard me rant), I've been a bit hurt and burnt by the whole subject. I'm not going to make this post be another rant about the whole thing.

Tonight, I watched myself rant (I didn't stop myself though), and I realized I've turned some corner into bitterness. I don't want that bitterness to live inside me, and I don't even realize it's there until I automatically develop verbal diarrhea when the subject comes up. The truth is, I do believe everything I am saying is true. The truth also is, I don't want to care so much. I want to release all of those hurt feelings that propel the words.

I need to move on. I've implemented a plan to avoid anymore awkward/either being used or looking like a jerk situations. Now, I need to just more beyond any of the stuff that helped me develop my little rants in the first place.

July 26, 2011

Camping at Painted Rock

“I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing.”—-Agatha Christie

Gah. It is July 26th, a day that by it's sheer placement on the seasonal calender should be a feel good day. I, however, am stuck on my own personal calender of ups and downs which has declared that I will not enjoy it. Feeling edgy and generally irritated both emotionally and physically. It even hurt too much to brush my hair this morning. It's one thing to be a moper during winter; heck, you are just joining the crowd on those days. It feels recklessly wasteful on a summer day like this, however. And yet, here I am.

Catching Rays and Reading

So, to get off of that downward train of thought, I will now think of only happy-ness.

I'll start with last weekends camping foray. We had such a nice time. We went to the Painted Rock area (about two hours from here, on the other side of Darby). There was an icy creek there that the men and kids spend hours reshaping with dams built from fallen logs.

The kids (and grown ups more adventurous than me)spent their time floating up and down the creek on the myriads of tubes we'd all brought, and playing on the tiny sandy beach. I spent my time down there catching some sun, chatting, and reading.

Also spent some time in a lovely hammock. There are few things are relaxing as rocking gently in a hammock, listening to a chilly stream and the voices of friends and kiddos talking and laughing.

We planned on doing a project with the kids while we were up there- Tie dye T-shirts. It was so fun! I know for a fact that the grown ups had just as much fun with that as the kids did.