I may have to remove this post someday. I don't want Kloe to read it when she is sixteen and begin to define herself by what I see. She will need to define herself, and who knows how her story will go. With that being said, I will keep it somewhere for her. Who knows; she may find herself with a little girl who struggles with the same things someday, and another mother's feelings on the matter might be appreciated.
I am feeling anxious this morning. Stressed out over third grade homework. I am torn between feeling angry at the teacher for assigning (what I feel is) ridiculous amounts of homework. I am also angry at my child for not writing down these same assignments or making the effort needed to get it done. I am also angry at myself for not being one of those super moms that is on top of ever minute part of her kids lives, because when they have an issue with homework, it also means I haven't done my part to make sure my child got it done.
I understand where my girl is coming from. I wrote a huge (unsent) email, dissecting her personality in regards to something as concrete as homework.
When my boy came along, I was actually astounded at how he took to the school system. He enjoys learning, doing assignments, and hardly ever misses school, even when given a chance to. I've known I couldn't take credit for any of those behaviors, because even if I could change my grown up self back into a child, I still wouldn't have the amount of enthusiasm and responsibility for school that my 11 year old son has.
With all that being said, we live in a world that doesn't regard dreamy-ness and forgetfulness as endearing qualities. To see her under the barrel of an unfinished assignment brings up every residual feeling I have from being in the same situation as a child and teenager. I don't want her memories of the public school system to be just a string of horrible, uncomfortable events of not completing homework. I just don't know how to make her care more.
This is the letter I wanted to send to her teacher. I didn't send it because D thought I was making too many excuses for her behavior and that it was too long. I still believe what I wrote though.
The (Unsent) Letter to my Girl's Teacher:
Just wanted to share some of my thoughts about my girl. I have a lot of empathy for her. The apple does not fall far from the tree. I was a lot like her as a child. I still have report cards with teachers commenting that I daydreamed too much, didn't always remember to turn in my homework, and that I had potential to do a lot better if I would just apply myself more.
The situation you described this morning with the missing folders, frantic searching and ultimate meltdown sounded like something right out of my childhood. I hated those moments. I hated the consequences of being disorganized, but I just was! I think she feels the same way. The arguing about the spelling word and general meltdown after being faced with the consequences of being disorganized also sounds familiar.
I cared that my mom cared and I cared that my teachers thought these things were important, because I wanted to please them and I didn't like getting into trouble. Other than that, I didn't actually care about school or homework.
How grown-ups dealt with me:
*My mom started closing the door to my bedroom and just tried not to look. This resulted in a very messy room for a lot of years, and a more peaceful relationship with my mother. Eventually I started caring (around the age of 17) and I started cleaning it all on my own.
*My fifth grade teacher encouraged my stronger points (writing and art). She made me feel good about who I was, and believe that I had very positive qualities. I loved her for it. Because of that, I really did try to turn in my homework assignments so I could live up to how great of a student she believed I was.
*My sixth grade teacher was more of an 'obedience through fear' kind of teacher. Every time I failed to turn an assignment, he drew a lot of attention to it by embarrassing me in front of the other students. When I was staring off out the window instead of paying attention, that was when he would call on me and then I'd be in a lot of trouble (loud scoldings, again in front of the class). The result was I became a straight A student and became super focused in class. I still wouldn't recommend this method. The negative consequences to my self esteem far out lasted that years progress.
I guess my biggest concern with my daughter is that she remains who she is. I know she needs to be a responsible kid who does her homework. We really do try to help her with it. Every day we have her do her homework and then one of us signs it. It is frustrating that we still are having problems with it, but I feel like there has been progress. Being organized, being aware of time, and being bored with routine, and also managing emotions are always going to be things that she struggles with. We will keep trying to help her grow with these things. But I don't want these things to define her school experience either. While I want to help her with her weaknesses, I don't want it to be at the cost of her self-esteem which should be built on her amazing strengths, like how kind, compassionate and imaginative she is. She has a bright and excited spirit that she brings to anything she is interested in, and an awesome sense of humor. I know that while the school system can and will reward kids who were born with the strengths of my son, it can also be pretty hard on a kid who was born with the weaknesses of my daughter. I don't want it to beat her down.
(End of Letter)
SO, anyone have any ideas about how to motivate my girl to stay on top of her homework assignments?
