I feel differently than I thought I would in the days and weeks following my mom's death. I guess I thought I would cry more... instead it just doesn't feel real. Life is back to normal already... it just goes on. I don't know if it's because I am relieved that she isn't hurting anymore or what. Maybe it's because I've been saying goodbye to her for the last four years... Part of me is scared that it is still lurking in the background, waiting to come crashing in on me with all of the pain I remember having when my brother died. The other part of me is afraid that this is it, and I won't be able to grieve the way that she deserves.