It is currently 4:15 in the morning and I've been up for awhile. Don't know what the problem is because I am SO FREAKING TIRED!!! Deep breaths, deep breaths. The last time I talked to Derrick (who is sleeping like an angel) about insomnia, he gave me a rundown of his idea of how to fix it (for free no less). The fix was that I needed to get involved in some heavy manual labor (like being a logger or working on a fishing boat in Alaska?) because if I was tired enough I would pass out at the end of everyday like he does. He is completely correct, in my opinion (however, it is 4:22 at night and I could be delusional). HE works outside everyday, whether it is freezing or boiling. I've watched him work, practically running (he is VERY efficient with his time), getting the job DONE. He goes from meeting to meeting with different business associates, so he has to deal with social stress that I mostly am spared from these days.
My day is tiring, but more mentally then anything. I'm chasing kids down, breaking up fights, cleaning up play-dough that is stuck to the counter chairs again, sweeping and mopping the same floors that were mopped yesterday because someone didn't want to take the time to remove their shoes, making breakfast, lunch, dinner and cleaning the kitchen as many times, getting groceries, paying bills, making beds, making kids clean their rooms (even though it would be easier to do it myself), feeling the general guilt that I should be returning a phone call to a friend (but I just don't have the mental energy to chat), taking the kids outside more to play,or reading more to them or not letting them watch so many cartoons, or that I should be (that I want to be) with my mom but I just can't because I need to be here managing my life too.... The problem with a mentally tiring life is that it wakes you up at 3 o'clock in the morning, all the emotions of the day racing through your veins like a freight train, leaving your heart racing before you even fully awake.
It will get better. So.... deep breaths, deep breaths...
My day is tiring, but more mentally then anything. I'm chasing kids down, breaking up fights, cleaning up play-dough that is stuck to the counter chairs again, sweeping and mopping the same floors that were mopped yesterday because someone didn't want to take the time to remove their shoes, making breakfast, lunch, dinner and cleaning the kitchen as many times, getting groceries, paying bills, making beds, making kids clean their rooms (even though it would be easier to do it myself), feeling the general guilt that I should be returning a phone call to a friend (but I just don't have the mental energy to chat), taking the kids outside more to play,or reading more to them or not letting them watch so many cartoons, or that I should be (that I want to be) with my mom but I just can't because I need to be here managing my life too.... The problem with a mentally tiring life is that it wakes you up at 3 o'clock in the morning, all the emotions of the day racing through your veins like a freight train, leaving your heart racing before you even fully awake.
It will get better. So.... deep breaths, deep breaths...
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