First Whole Day in Mexico!

I am sitting here in an internet cafe, drinking a michilaea (a lots of lime juice, corona and salt), and I wanted to remember the name of it (I am sure I won´t remember half of the words that I learn here) so, thus the blog.

Yesterday was a long, long day. We woke up at 4:10 in Seattle so we would have time to drop off the rental car, go through the line that check bags and your little baggie of liquid goods (as many little 3.4 ounce bottle that will fit into a quart baggie), and have a little bit of breakfast. By the time our plane left, I was already wanting to go back to sleep, but alas, due to our standby tickets, we were assigned 3 in one row, and 1 in a completely other row. This meant one parent would have two kids, and the other would get to sleep all by his/herself. I chose to be the parent with the kids for the three hour flight, only because I could tell that I was the least tired of the Derrick and myself (due to the fact that whenever we go to Seattle to stay with his brother, they all stay up until two in the morning visiting, and I am always the party pooper who goes to bed). Other than the usual kid antics however, I have to say I was very impressed with my kids and how they behaved. The only time we heard much at all out of either of them was when the planes were landing, because Kloe cried all three landings (her ears hurt).

Today was glorious. I didn´t want to brag, or make make cold weathered friends sad, but it was simply the most awesome day ever. We woke up around nine, and took the kids out to the little swimming pool in front of our cute little Mexican motel. It is a little rustic, but the colors are bright and I feel like painting my house in various shades of orange, blue and pink now to capture their festive mood. After swimming for awhile, we got ready to go have breakfast. Dave had heard that there was a beach with restaurants closeby, so we drove for about ten minutes and found an old dirt road with a old shacklike buildings on either side (although most of them have crazy little swimming pools too). We stopped at one such place because there was a mexican girl holding a menu out to us. We were the only ones there, except for the family who ran the place. It was all open, overlooking the ocean, and to the kids utter joy and delight, the floor was made of sand. The food was so so good!!! We had fish tacos (that ranked best fish tacos EVER in my life, until we had more fish tacos for lunch that were just as good). But the BEST part of breakfast was the fried bananas with cream sauce. Oh yes. MMM. So very very very good.

We went to another beach for the rest of the day (one that was in the bay so the kids would have an easier time). We rented an umbrella for the day that came complete with people to watch our stuff while we were all frolicking in ocean. There was awesome food at the beach (more fish tacos) as well as the one ingrediant to complete one of my lifelong goals.... to sit on a beach in Mexico and drink a CORONA. Bliss. Joy. I feel a little more complete now.

The kids both were excited to get into the water. Derrin approached it bravely. He swallowed way too much salt water at first while he was learning how to jump the waves, but he learned the trick pretty quickly. Kloe decided she hated it immediately (this is often how she approached new situations), but by the end of the day she was begging to stay in the water. It was sooo warm.

There are people walking along the beach all day selling there creations. I saw alot of homemade jewlery, hats, woven purses. I love it. I love having the shopping come TO me. It is fun to see the diferent things pèople make here to make a living.

Well, this cafe looks like it is closing, so I have to wind it up. But so far, all is so fun, and if the rest of this week is as good as today was, I can´t wait!

1st Round, 3rd Week

Mom had her third chemo treatment today. Dr. Nichols stopped by to discuss her lab results and the news was good. The numbers (I can't remember specifically WHAT the numbers were called, only what they meant), showed that these initial treatments of the chemo are working. The numbers suggest that the tumor is starting to shrink a little:-) Also, her blood counts are not dropping at all. So far, so good.

She is still having side effects including the nausea and fatigue. But other than that, she is doing well.

I won't beable to go with her next week to chemo, because I'll be in Mexico:-) But Renae said she is planning on staying with Mom for that session. After that, Mom will get a two week break from the chemo before starting the 2nd round.

Mom 1st Round, 2nd Week

Today was Mom's second chemo treatment. It was better than the first one for a couple reasons.
The first reason was that the port didn't hurt as bad as it did last time when they had to poke it (it has had more time to heal). The second was that she didn't get the horrible metallic taste she had the last time (although it may still come later). Also, Dr. Nichols said we don't have to be overly concerned about a compromised immune system. She can be as active as she wants, and around the people she chooses. This is great, because Mom draws strength from people.

She did get a little sick to her stomach in the middle of it, but (of course) she wouldn't let me ask the nurse for anything to help it. I asked her why she has such a hard time asking for help when she doesn't feel good, and she said she just doesn't like to bother anyone about something that may not be that serious. I've about decided that I (or any one of her children or husband) get to be the decider of when it is serious.

Mom is a person, who when in the middle of a heart attack, wouldn't let my dad call 911, because she didnt think it was serious. She also couldn't ask for help when she was in the most intense pain of her life from a tumor(not that she knew that's what it was), because she didn't want to complain. She suffered in silence from this horrible sickness, because she didn't want us to worry for her or her health.

From now on, I think her family gets to make the call . I declare a dictatorship on Mom's health! Her family will see she gets the care she needs, fighting whatever it is that tells her she is not allowed to bother the universe with her discomfort!!! If not exactly a dictatorship, then a Familyship, a Pressureship, a Careship, a PickonYouUntilYouTakeCareofYourselfShip!

The World's Smallest Violin Needed Please...

Yesterday I woke up to Derrick's alarm clock, going off every five minutes from six o'clock until seven when he actually decided to get up. I laid there in the dark awake, and I could feel myself becoming increasing unhappy. Yes, I know there are reasons for my sadness at this particular juncture in the month, but that doesn't make it any easier to take, month after month after month.

I laid there thinking, "I really wish we could go to the Clumsy Lovers in Spokane this Friday with everyone, then go to the big wedding in Yakima on Saturday, and then have the big finale of skiing on Sunday with all my pals." The only problem with this is that all of the people going to do all of the fun stuff are either single, just dating, or married without kids. They have asked us a hundred times to go hang with them this weekend, and even though I would absolutely LOVE to, it is not going to happen.

Even though I love being a mom and having a family, these are the times I wish I was 21 again, free to come and go at will. I still have as strong of a desire to go to fun things as I did then, only now any sort of fun has to be managed. A babysitter for a three-day weekend only comes once a year for us (during our anniversary), and I know that is more than most parents get.

That is what kills me. I sit around and get sad and weepy (although I will blame hormones too), over something as stupid as not getting to do what I want to do for the weekend. Why can't I choose something more vital and noble to cry about, like the fact my mom is sick, or how horrible the world condition is? There are people who have so much more to be sad about.

When Derrick woke up I told him he should go with everyone to Washington, and I would stay home so at least one of us could go. I didn't say it with a pure heart. My heart was aching with self-pity when I spoke the words. He didn't get too excited. I don't even know if he is going to take me up on my offer. He just said, "K, I'll think about it", and got ready to go to work.

I still couldn't sleep so I logged on to myspace and saw Shannon was there. We chatted just long enough for me to grumble about the general unfairness of life. Then I got into the shower and allowed myself to really wallow in some self-pity. I shook my fist at the shower walls and gently plummeled them in anger. I wept at the unkindness of life. When my eyes were good and puffy (but the rest of me was clean), I got out, put on my robe, went to the kitchen and made coffee. Today was going to happen whether I wanted it to or not, whether I was hormonal or not, and I needed to get going.

When the puffiness receded, I put on some makeup, got dressed, dressed the kids, and drove them to the daycare facility I use sometimes. Then I drove to the hospital and parked in the special area reserved for cancer patients, and went up the elevator to where my mom was, in the common chemo room. They were just putting the two chemo drips in her port when I arrived.

Mom was in a good mood, as always. She doesn't ever seem to feel too sorry for herself. She sat there and told me about all of the family and friends who are helping her. She pointed out a couple different people in the room that she knew. There was a woman named Jo that my mom wanted me to go say "hi" too. I didn't want to. I knew Jo had worked at my high school when I was a kid, but I didn't remember ever actually talking to her. I was letting myself off the polite hook because I was still feeling a little weepy, and I just didn't want to extend myself.

I looked around the room at different times while Mom and I chatted, and I noticed an older gentleman sitting behind me receiving chemo too. He didn't look like he felt too good. I glanced at him a couple of times, just kind of seeing how he was doing.

Eventually Jo came over to say goodbye. Mom gave her a hug (even though I know she doesn't hardly know her either), and wished her well. I watched Jo go over to the older guy and help him up. As I watched them walk out the door, I finally understood who he was. He had been my algebra teacher in 8th grade. He was a nice man. He was sitting there, fighting his cancer with chemo, the same as my mom is, and I didn't even go to say hi to him. My mom, sitting there, getting her first chemo treatment, had kindness and politeness to spare but I had let myself off of the hook because I had pms. My heart still hurts when I think about it now. I hope they are there next Wednesday so I can at least go over and acknowledge him.

Mom's First Round, First Week

Today was Mom's first chemo day. We found out that instead of three rounds of five weeks, it is instead going to be three rounds of six weeks (four on, two off). Mom didn't seem too upset by this, however.

It took about three hours. They gave her a steroid at first to help with any nausea. Then they gave her two drips, one with a chemo (the name of it I can't remember), and the other with a vitamin (related to folic acid) that helps her body use the second chemo(5-FU) they gave her after the first two drips were gone. Dr. Nichols said that until a couple years ago they gave all patients with colon cancer the 5-FU, with only about 10% success rate. Then they found that people the chemo wasn't working on had a vitamin deficiency that made the cancer cells resistant to the chemo, and ever since they started adding the vitamin, their success rates have gone up to 90%. Good to know!

Mom looked and felt fine throughout the chemo. The nurse said if she does get any fatigue or any other side effects (apparently there will be some side effects, regardless of what we were told before), that they will appear the day after tomorrow. But most side effects start after about three weeks of chemo. So, we will just have to wait and see what happens. But so far, so good.

Playing in the Snow

We planned on going skiing today, but alas all of our "fun" money got sucked up by the Purple Bomb (insurance deductable and car rental... don't get me going, I could gripe for HOURS about this), SO, we instead decided to go up to Lolo Pass and take the kids sledding. It turned out to be a fun day for all.

Shortcut Memories

Today I remembered something about myself and where it came from. This happened at a green light on South Street, the one that turns into the mall. I was sitting in the back seat of my parent's car with Kloe. Mom and Dad were in the front, and Dad was starting the shift in his seat and shake him head. His agitation was so great that he was moved to murmur,"Do you see this traffic? This is going to take forever. Why isn't anyone moving."

I tried to reassure him by saying,"Yeah, the traffic is never that great through here. It will move along eventually."

To which he responded by moving into the left turning lane and winding all the way through the mall parking lot to Brooks street. I looked in the rear window and it was clear the traffic was moving again. But I said nothing.

Dad's "shortcuts" are an interesting memory from childhood(the particular trip I am thinking about happened in Vancouver, Canada), usually ending up in my little brother and I in the backseat miserable and fighting, and Mom and Dad in the frontseat, miserable and fighting (actually, fighting between my parents included my mom having words with Dad, and him going to his happy place). His shortcuts were a surefire way to three extra hours tacked onto any trip.

Today it only added about five extra minutes BUT it made me remember that my own impatience does have roots all the way back to my paternity... and that makes me actually look at this particular flaw with some fondness. I will have to hold on to that feeling the next time I am winding my way through the back streets of Missoula, lost again (as much as you can get lost in this town) because I was too impatient to wait for yet another red light.

Mom's Port

Mom got her port today. It looks like little stethoscope with a thin tube (it's about 6 inches long) hanging off of it. It went under her skin, right under her collarbone(so she will just have a little bump under her skin, nothing is exposed), and the tube went into the artery that runs into her heart. She has little veins that they can hardly get an IV in (they usually have to poke and prod about 4 or 5 times before they have any success), so the port will save her having to be poked so much. Every Wednesday now, they will just have to poke into the port with a chemo IV drip (and they numb that area with cream first so it won't hurt too much). The chemo itself is not supposed to have side effects (they can treat any effect that does appear). So she won't lose her hair, and she won't have nausea. She sailed through the port procedure. She looks great. So, the next move is the first treatment of chemo, which starts next Wednesday.