Another Kid Moment

The other day during dinner, Derrin slyly tried to put the rest of his food in the garbage after being told he had to finish his corn by his Dad (I know, I know, there is no nutritional value in corn, but I make it and therefore the kids have to eat it... here goes another moment to mommy guilt). He promptly got sent to his room by his father to consider the error of his ways.

Afterwards, in a move designed to declare SHE was not afraid of her daddy, Kloe called Derrick A black banana. The conversation went something like this:

Kloe: Daddy, You are a Black Banana

Derrick: Well, then YOU are a GREEN Banana.

Kloe: Well then, at least I will turn YELLOW.

She makes me laugh. She is so so funny.

Being Me

It is Friday night, exactly 8:24pm (according to my computer )and I find myself (again) in the situation of a quiet house. So seldom does this happen that it requires documentation in the form of a blog.
The kids are in bed. Derrick is gone for too many days to think about comfortably. I am listening to Sarah McLachlan. The house is SPOTLESS... the reason being that I feel out of control when Derrick has to work elsewhere so I gain back my sense of control by being super-vigilant about cleaning, mopping, sorting, arranging, organising, dusting, vacuuming, washing every inch of my house. Even the kids rooms got a good going-through today by both myself AND the child-owner of the said room (I'm sure they will need some therapy in their 30's to understand the OCD I have created in them). Even this blog is snatching a little bit of control out of the air. So far I have googled at least four of the words I have chosen to use, and according to google I was CORRECT in my spelling. I am cool and in control of my word spelling AND usage (okay, the word "usage" fouled me up because I REALLY wanted to spell it ussage...)

ANYWAYS, it is Friday night and part of me is reveling in the fact that it is so early in the evening and for at least the next three or four hours I OWN this time. I have to say that again. I OWN the next three or four hours. Even though I need to stay at home, I can choose to either play on the internet as long as I would like too, OR read (I have a really good book I am reading right now), OR I can take a bath, OR I can call someone, OR I can watch television, OR I can do nothing but sit on the back porch and breath the forest-fire smoke and look at the bright pink smoke-created sunset. All interruption free.

The point is I have the choice and there is no one here to look disappovingly at me for being a total bum. How awesome is that. Not that I don't cherish the time with my family but sometimes it feels so GOOOOD to just be Rachel.

My Addiction

My Addiction




I woke up thinking of you today



My head foggy, my body tired



You were the missing link



Between now and my future



I am yearning to be intoxicated



By the strength of your dark charms



Your taste sends me reeling



Your erotic aroma



Carries me home



I can not begin another day without you



I have succumbed.

Declined

I reluctantly admit to being a "goody-two-shoes" sort of gal most of the time. I am okay with that. In fact, I have chose to be that. But every once in awhile even the goodiest of two shoes feels the need to be a little daring.

My only claim to "being daring" comes in the form of a little ring in the top of my right ear. I admit, it isn't much. BUT, it does allow me to go to my favorite tattoo place (Altered Skin) from time to time to have the ring changed out (they are nearly impossible to do by yourself).

Tuesday on a whim I decided it was time to change the earring. I was by myself and feeling a little bit daring. I admit, going into that place totally intimidates me in the most delicious of ways. All of the guys who work there are super tough looking, burly, tattooed, peirced and actually very nice. The peircing guy (can you believe I still do not know his name? how rude of me...) always tries to persuade me into getting a different ring than I really want. This last time I chose one with a little blue sparkliness on it. It was obviously not my peircer's favorite ring there. He told me I should just go to Claires in the mall and find one like it. How insulting. Then he pointed out the fine array of titanium rings they were offering, stating that they were much better quality and I imagine he thought they were just way more cool looking. But I love sparkly things. After insisting on the blue sparkly earring we went into his "office" where he kindly inserted it in my ear for me. I am such a nerd. I get nervous every time, looking around at all of the crazy pictures on the walls and making awkward conversation with Mr. Burly Tatoo Peircing Man whose name I don't know. I also am sniffing the air nonchalantly. It smells so good in there, like soap and metalic cleanliness, and the faint scent of cigarrettes being smoked outside.

When it was done I silently congratulated myself on facing my nervousness. Then I told myself that I was way cool. I mean look at me. I'm in a tattoo parlor with burly type men, making pleasant small talk. I rock. Then it was time to pay. I had a check book... turns out they don't take checks. I had a debit card BUT... it was the last day of the month.... and sweating bullets I tenatively handed the card to Mr. Peircer with a hope and a prayer that money had been transfered into the right account so it might work BUT... it didn't. Declined. Declined in the tattoo parlor. In front of Mr. Peirce... I smiled weakly and felt myself get a little clammy. My moment of coolness was suddenly obliterated. I offered a Discover card BUT turns out they don't take Discover either! I was reduced to begging for mercy, offering to leave my ID while I went to find an ATM to get the required money. Mr. Peirce smiled kindly and said,"No need to leave anything. Go find an ATM and come back, I trust you".

You know why he trusts me? Because I am so obviously not a badass. I am goodytwoshoes with a little sparkly earring. And I'm okay with that. But the next time I go to have my earring changed I am bringing cash.

Parallel Universe

Kloe and I usually rock along fine unless there are other children involved, even if that other child is her brother. This year that meant that from 8:25 until 11:00 every morning during the school year, we would have a peaceful household. The rest of the time (including summer vacation) is a total crapshoot. Sometimes she loves her brother but a lot of the time she could totally annihilate him if she had superhuman powers to do so. Fortunately she is smaller than him and can do no serious harm.

This week was EXTRA difficult for Kloe because she had not just a brother to contend with, but also her little cousin Aiyana. Now, Kloe and Aiyana absolutely LOVE eachother for the first day. After that all walls come down and they enter a temperary sisterhood that includes both love AND fighting to the death over any toy, chair, blanket, or pinecone that they deem worthy of their affections. Throw Derrin in the mix and you have a screamfest worthy of any rockstar. Derrin and Aiyana seemed to shift from war time to peace time with relative ease, but Kloe doesn't switch gears quite so quickly. She was on edge most of the week. She was in trouble most of the week. It was a hard week.

Aiyana went to her Gramma's house yesterday. Kloe cried her eyes out. She is still sad. Kids are so funny. Even if they fight the whole time, they would still rather be with eachother than apart. And the next time they are together they will still be best buds.

Yesterday at the daycare they were doing face painting and hand painting as I came in to pick them us (side point- I cleaned my house while they were at the daycare and it is finally really clean- yeah for me!!!). Kloe wanted a rainbow on her hand. They have a picture there with all of the designs the kids can choose from and there with an example of a delicate little rainbow. She wanted THAT rainbow. The girl with the paints started the rainbow and right away Kloe could tell it was not right. It was too big. The colors were in the wrong order. She kept saying in her four year old voice,"No, that is not right. The colors are WRONG", to which the girl painting would say,"just a minute, I will make it right." Well, anyone could see it was just getting bigger and bigger. Kloe's anxiety was growing with the rainbow. I was just mentally thinking "paint faster paint faster" because I had a lot of things I needed to finish doing at home. When the girl announced she was done there was a moment of silence from my daughter. Then her lips began to tremble. It was building inside of her... a burst of," I HATE THIS!!! IT IS ALL WRONG!!!", which she has been saying quietly the whole time... My knee jerk reaction was to shake her (of course I didn't), but instead I took my shrieking daughter to the daycare bathroom for a couple minutes, tried unsuccessfully to reason with her, then took her to the car to wait for her brother to get his face painted. She cried the whole time. Brokenheart. Hating the Rainbow.

My daughter is like me. I could explain and explain to her why she should settle down, but she is not hearing words, she is just feeling her disappointment. I just have 27 more years of experience that keeps me from shouting when I am disappointed. Just last week we had our family portrait taken. I knew I didn't like it as soon as it was time to pick our package. Instead of having an outburst, I put on my big fake smile and picked the picture I hated the least. Then I went home and stewed about it all night. The next day I was so aggravated I felt like punching walls (I was also pmsing *very dangerous*). I called my mom and complained. I called my husband and complained. Finally I called the store and asked them to redo the pictures, which they said they would do. The point is, I have impulse control. Instead of shrieking,"I HATE IT! IT'S ALL WRONG", I waited until I felt calmer to discuss the issue. Impulse control. But it took many years to develope it! When impulse control is still so hard for me, how in the world am I supposed to teach it to my little daughter? Any ideas?

On a completely seperate issue, I wanted to say something about my Mom. She is doing awesome!!! Before they did the surgery on her liver her CEA count (cancer count) was at 4000. We had it tested post-surgery, and after two months of hoxsey and her special diet and it was down to 38.9. This week she had it tested and it is down to 13.4. A cancer-free persons CEA level is 2. It is working! I am excited to see what it will be next month!!

What is Up

i've been sorta non-communicative this week and i didn't even realize it until this morning i woke up and remembered i hadn't hardly returned any phone calls or emailed any of my buddies this week! i hurriedly made a phone call to my ma, and that sorta broke the ice. then i made a couple phone calls. then i paid all my bills (something else id been putting off)... now to turn my attention to more important things, (aka myspace:)

i did have a lovely time in kennewick. we went to a convention over there called "follow the christ"- it was three days of different discourses about various ways jesus modeled the best way of life. it was thought provoking- always good to have reminders since my brain doesnt retain information for very long. i was a little bummed because i didnt feel super good the whole time so i sorta sat in my chair like a lump and wasnt very sociable but my buds over there seemed to forgive me for my non-fun ways.

anyways, it is now thursday, and i am almost all done unpacking (we got back monday), and all of the travel laundry is now done. going anywhere with kids always ends with about twenty loads of laundry-not sure why. derrick is working in whitefish again this week (left tuesday morning), so the kids and i have had the house to ourselves.

we went to "lunch in the park" yesterday- they have it every wednesday during summer time at caras park. they bring about twenty food vendors from various restaurants down there, and there is always a band or two to listen to while you have your lunch. yesterday was awesome! the clumsy lovers played there the whole time and the kids loved it:) the band did their traditional handing out of the shakers (they toss out colorful pop cans with popcorn inside), only this time it was to all the little kids boogying down on the grass in front of the stage. watching the kids have such a great time was as fun as being able to listen to one of our favorite bands during lunchtime.

and today.... finishing laundry. maybe a little dusting? maybe i will find my way to the gym for the first time in over a week... who knows. it is a quiet summer day. my favorite kind.

The River may TRY to kill me, But I will Always love IT

To start, a confession: I went to see the movie "Transformers" today. It is one of those movies that I have mocked since the beginning. A residual part of me from childhood remembers my brother playing with transformers in his geeky little boy way (which I now find endearing in my little son), and I just COULD NOT take the movie seriously. Today we went with Kevin and Alta because Kevin is one of those little boys who grew up playing with transformers.

The movie is good. I say that with difficulty because it means I am eatting crow. I really really liked it. There is really good character development, it is action pacted, the special effects are outstanding and it is even really funny in parts. I am now a lover of Optimus Prime and a hater of Megatron.

But on to real life. After we went to the movie, we all gathered to float the river which was AWESOME!!!! The weather was HOT and the water was COOL. The only snage-ups happened when the river tried to kill me. TWO times I got sucked under by BIG rocks, lost my tube. The first time I lost my Corona, the second time I lost my special Mexico hat and broke my new big sunglasses which also got lost on another rapid. All and all the river kicked my butt abosolutely. But I still love it. The river and I have that kind of abusive relationship I guess. I will love it no matter what!!!

While floating the river, drinking my Keystone light (after the Corona was seized by the river), I started to have an analogy form in my head: Floating the river is like Life. You can try to stay with your group as long as you can, but when hard times arrive (like rapids), it is easy to get seperated from the group. So, many times you will find yourself floating along by yourself and you will really have to paddle hard to get back to your group. You may also find sometimes on the river you have a choice: paddle toward the rapids and take a risk to have fun, or steer clear to safer waters.... ANDDD, we know we will all eventually hit big rapids in life, but why spend all of the calm waters worrying about the big rapids instead of just enjoying the fact that right now the water is cool, your friends are near and you have a beer in your hand?!?

Anyways, that is it for my big analogy. Hope you all have a good weekend. Later!

Thought it was a Romance BUT...

...it was a tragedy...

Fred Fish was found belly up in the bottom of his home in the pond district late Friday night. His widow, Stripey Fish, was frantic and without words as to what caused her dear ones demise. An investagation is under way.

Fred was a loving husband and avid swimmer. He was 13 months old (31 goldfish years). He will always be remembered as "the one who got away" from the human woman because he managed to hide in the rocks from her to cleverly save his own life. He will be greatly missed.

Cards and donations can be sent to his widow at The Pond, In the Yard of Rachel, Montana.