Once upon a time, when I was about 21 years old, I had a "disagreement" with this guy I was going out with. It was one of the last "disagreements" we ever got in, because I broke up with him not long after and then I moved back home.
Crazily enough, it was all about music. He was a local musician, and considered himself a "guru" of all things music. He really did have an amazing collection of music, and I discovered a lot of amazing artists through him, and I appreciated that. The one thing I didn't appreciate though, was his intolerance of anything that he didn't consider worthy of his divine approval. The night of the disagreement, we were on my turf for once, and I decided to throw some hip-hop in (I believe it was Salt and Peppa, who I still like btw). I knew it was less deep than the stuff he liked, but it was (is) fun music and it always makes me feel like jumping around. I remember he demanded I turn it off, I said no, he threatened to leave, I said go AHEAD.... after that, the memory gets fuzzy...
Once upon another time, I was sitting in a hot tub with a bunch of friends, and one of them asked me who my all time favorite artist was. When I told him, he told me he was disappointed in me (he actually said that!). He'd thought I would say someone he liked and identified with. He thought this even though we were completely different people: different sexes, different ages, and completely different personalities.
In my humble opinion, both of these men were complete idiots in those moments. Judging someone because of what kind of music they like is like judging someone because of their favorite meal, or their favorite scent. There is a reason we are drawn to the music we love. For instance, the reason I loved Salt n Peppa back in those days had to do with the memory of a summer years before. I'd hung out with a group of girls who loved that group, and had spent lots of times shout/singing lyrics with them while cruising around town in the back of a truck. A little red-neck, yes. But, it was such a carefree and light-hearted time in my life, and that night I'd had the disagreement with that guy, I'd been trying to channel some of those feelings to balance out the over all heaviness of the mood already starting between us. Music was and always has been one of my best cures to any mood I am in.
My favorite musical artist is Sarah McLachlan, and she has been for the last 16 years. Her music was introduced to me the very night an intense part of my life started. The first song I ever heard of hers was "Possession", which although I'm not going to tell that part of the story, I will say was really fitting. It's off of the album "Fumbling Toward Ecstasy".
The lyrics of that whole cd seemed to be narrating my life through that time period. I was making some bad choices, and withdrew from my family and there were times I was more alone than I'd ever been. I had her music on repeat through most of it. I was still alone, but her music helped me make it through. One of the songs that still gives me chills off of that cd is "Fear"- pretty much described how I felt, especially toward the end of that hard time.
Winter's end
promises of a long lost friend
speaks to me of comfort
but I fear
I have nothing to give
I have so much to lose
here in this lonely place
I ordered her next cd "Surfacing" as soon as I could. My favorite song off of that album, "Sweet Surrender" pretty much described my experience when I finally went home to get my life back where I needed it to be.
it doesn't mean much
it doesn't mean anything at all
the life I've left behind me
is a cold room
I've crossed the last line
from where I can't return
where every step I took in faith
betrayed me
and led me from my home and sweet
sweet surrender
is all that I have to give
When I was a house mother to a group of about 20 girls at a boarding school for troubled kids, we would take turns singing songs at night before bed. The song I always sang was "Angel", because I was still healing from my own hard time, and every girl there could relate to it too.
Spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there's always some reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
oh beautiful release
memories seep from my veins
let me be empty
and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
One of the songs Derrick and I danced to at our wedding was "I Love You" off of 'Surfacing':
I have a smile
stretched from ear to ear
to see you walking down the road we meet at the lights
I stare for a while
the world around us disappears
and then later I found him in 'Push'- my beacon of hope that He was...
You see me at my weakest
But you take me as i am
When i fall you offer me a softer place to land
You stay the course, you hold the line
Keep it all together
You're the one true thing i know i can believe in
You're all the things that i desire
You save me, complete me
You're the one true thing i know i can believe in
I get mad so easy
But you give me room to breathe
No matter what i say, you'll do
Because you're too good to fight about it
Even when i have to push
Just to see how far you'll go
At my mom's funeral, one of the songs we chose for her slide show was "Ice Cream". I've always loved the words to that song, and it was so perfect. And, of course, we played "I Will Remember You".
Another one of her cd's 'Afterglow' came out in 2003. A lot of that songs on that album have to do with making mistakes and dealing with consequences. Once again, it seemed to be telling my story to me.
When an artist manages to sing a large part of your life to you, you have very good reason to call her your very favorite artist. After all, if my experiences had been different, someone else would have told my story, and someone else would be my favorite musician.
