Well, this is an interesting topic.
Most women I know have some insecurity about their bodies. How couldn't we, when we are bombarded with messages that our worth depends largely on external factors like weight, age, how long our legs are, what our boobs look like, and any other little thing they ("they" being anyone who stands to make a buck by plugging these thoughts into the general consciousness of the population). The more they can make us hate our bodies and learn to view each other with judgement in our eyes, the more money we will be willing to shell out to fix it. Most of us are caught in a cycle of self-flagellation, as if we can atone for the crime of being physically imperfect if we just admit it out loud to ourselves and everyone else. I am no more immune to this than any one else.
I was in high school when I really got serious about my weight. Most days I would skip breakfast and lunch, have a soda (not diet though, always hated diet soda), and then have a small dinner. During most of my teen years I hover around 115 lbs. If I was able to maintain 115 lbs.(although anything closer to 100 would have been completely acceptable to me), I felt prettier and more in control. Heaven forbid I ever go over 120 lbs. I was fairly active (riding bikes and walking around Paradise), but in those days it was still more about alleviating boredom than being healthy.
Eventually, I began to eat a little bit better, but I still had no idea about nutrition. I mostly tried to keep portion size under control. Derrick and I got married when I was 23. I started gaining weight pretty quickly, partially because of birth control pills, but also because I was matching his portion sizes for every meal. I had already gained about fifteen pounds when I discovered I was pregnant. I remember feeling completely out of control. Every morning when I woke up and looked in the mirror, I didn't even recognize the face looking back at me. I hated how my clothes fit. I was tired all of the time and didn't want to go anywhere. I was actually uncomfortable in my own body. After Derrin was born, I had about thirty-five extra pounds.
It took about 9 months after I had Derrin before I finally started losing weight. It took about six months before I finally was back to my pre-marriage weight. I felt like myself again.
The memory of what it felt like to be over weight during that part of my life has stuck with me. I never want to feel like that again, so I am very careful to stay within five pounds of my most comfortable weight. I do what I can in order to feel at home inside of my body.
However, I wouldn't say that maintaining my weight has been my biggest incentive for being consistent with exercise. I work out because it makes me healthier, physically and mentally. Whether I am running, or doing body pump (weights), it gives me appreciation for what my body is capable of; of what I am capable of. This has been the key element in having a more positive relationship with my body. Any more, I don't look at the scale as the measure to how much I am going to approve of my body. Instead, I notice how well it can run and jump and climb and lift. I am just filled with gratitude that it does all of those things for me.
Even though I struggle with internal dialog about my body just like most women, I try to be very careful not to talk about weight or complain about my body in front of my kids, especially my daughter. This is for both our sakes. Thoughts are powerful, especially the ones you choose to say out loud. I believe that every time you sit around vocalizing how much you hate your body, you are shaping up a belief system for yourself and your children. The opposite is true too- if you show how much you love what your body is doing for you, you and your kids are going to believe that your bodies are amazing things. My hope for her is that maybe she can bypass the whole weight issue all together, and get to the part of just loving what her body is capable of doing. Maybe if I model a positive relationship with my body, she will feel like it is okay to have a positive relationship with hers too.
Most women I know have some insecurity about their bodies. How couldn't we, when we are bombarded with messages that our worth depends largely on external factors like weight, age, how long our legs are, what our boobs look like, and any other little thing they ("they" being anyone who stands to make a buck by plugging these thoughts into the general consciousness of the population). The more they can make us hate our bodies and learn to view each other with judgement in our eyes, the more money we will be willing to shell out to fix it. Most of us are caught in a cycle of self-flagellation, as if we can atone for the crime of being physically imperfect if we just admit it out loud to ourselves and everyone else. I am no more immune to this than any one else.
I was in high school when I really got serious about my weight. Most days I would skip breakfast and lunch, have a soda (not diet though, always hated diet soda), and then have a small dinner. During most of my teen years I hover around 115 lbs. If I was able to maintain 115 lbs.(although anything closer to 100 would have been completely acceptable to me), I felt prettier and more in control. Heaven forbid I ever go over 120 lbs. I was fairly active (riding bikes and walking around Paradise), but in those days it was still more about alleviating boredom than being healthy.
Eventually, I began to eat a little bit better, but I still had no idea about nutrition. I mostly tried to keep portion size under control. Derrick and I got married when I was 23. I started gaining weight pretty quickly, partially because of birth control pills, but also because I was matching his portion sizes for every meal. I had already gained about fifteen pounds when I discovered I was pregnant. I remember feeling completely out of control. Every morning when I woke up and looked in the mirror, I didn't even recognize the face looking back at me. I hated how my clothes fit. I was tired all of the time and didn't want to go anywhere. I was actually uncomfortable in my own body. After Derrin was born, I had about thirty-five extra pounds.
It took about 9 months after I had Derrin before I finally started losing weight. It took about six months before I finally was back to my pre-marriage weight. I felt like myself again.
The memory of what it felt like to be over weight during that part of my life has stuck with me. I never want to feel like that again, so I am very careful to stay within five pounds of my most comfortable weight. I do what I can in order to feel at home inside of my body.
However, I wouldn't say that maintaining my weight has been my biggest incentive for being consistent with exercise. I work out because it makes me healthier, physically and mentally. Whether I am running, or doing body pump (weights), it gives me appreciation for what my body is capable of; of what I am capable of. This has been the key element in having a more positive relationship with my body. Any more, I don't look at the scale as the measure to how much I am going to approve of my body. Instead, I notice how well it can run and jump and climb and lift. I am just filled with gratitude that it does all of those things for me.
Even though I struggle with internal dialog about my body just like most women, I try to be very careful not to talk about weight or complain about my body in front of my kids, especially my daughter. This is for both our sakes. Thoughts are powerful, especially the ones you choose to say out loud. I believe that every time you sit around vocalizing how much you hate your body, you are shaping up a belief system for yourself and your children. The opposite is true too- if you show how much you love what your body is doing for you, you and your kids are going to believe that your bodies are amazing things. My hope for her is that maybe she can bypass the whole weight issue all together, and get to the part of just loving what her body is capable of doing. Maybe if I model a positive relationship with my body, she will feel like it is okay to have a positive relationship with hers too.
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| Found this on Pinterest. When these images were floating around on facebook, I agreed with it's message: Why does it have to be one body type over another? Why attach shame to anyone's body? |
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