Does everyone have to struggle with a self-destruct button(also related to the easy way out card), or is it just me? I don't know why being true to who you are(which means only acknowledging the good parts*haha*) is so hard! Little Nuggets of darkness seem to be burrowed in my brain. I thought living my life right and creating a happy situation for myself would deactivate my counterproductive thoughts. That simply isn't true. They come out at night to push and prod. It doesn't matter how much I stand to lose.
I swear, the happier I am, the calmer things are around here (actually, now that I think about it things aren't calm around here at all... things are stressful and ever-changing at the moment, which also seems to be a trigger), the more the little voice in the back of my head goes,"Go ahead, do *insert whatever bad behavoir(say that part with a low, french accent*spongebob style*, it is more fun that way)*! It'll be FINE. You are so strong right now that you can walk on water! Consequences ~meh~consequences, shnosequences. Not only will you not feel bad after *insert bad behavoir*, but you will feel better than before! You will feel more energized, healthier, more appreciative of the good things in life, and possibly sexier! Go ahead (mental nudge), just do it!!!"
I can shut up the voice and control my actions about a 100 times better than when I was younger(not to say I never fail, maybe only 95 times better), mainly because I've been burnt by it so many times. Waking up after *insert bad behavoir*, feeling like absolute crap, feeling the guilt pains, having to tell on myself (because I also have little nuggets of self-tattling in there), feels so bad. Usually there is a headache involved. Definately a stomach ache from the stress.
So in conclusion, I am not perfect("really?!? ",you gasp). I can't even pretend to be.
I swear, the happier I am, the calmer things are around here (actually, now that I think about it things aren't calm around here at all... things are stressful and ever-changing at the moment, which also seems to be a trigger), the more the little voice in the back of my head goes,"Go ahead, do *insert whatever bad behavoir(say that part with a low, french accent*spongebob style*, it is more fun that way)*! It'll be FINE. You are so strong right now that you can walk on water! Consequences ~meh~consequences, shnosequences. Not only will you not feel bad after *insert bad behavoir*, but you will feel better than before! You will feel more energized, healthier, more appreciative of the good things in life, and possibly sexier! Go ahead (mental nudge), just do it!!!"
I can shut up the voice and control my actions about a 100 times better than when I was younger(not to say I never fail, maybe only 95 times better), mainly because I've been burnt by it so many times. Waking up after *insert bad behavoir*, feeling like absolute crap, feeling the guilt pains, having to tell on myself (because I also have little nuggets of self-tattling in there), feels so bad. Usually there is a headache involved. Definately a stomach ache from the stress.
So in conclusion, I am not perfect("really?!? ",you gasp). I can't even pretend to be.
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