Real

Life feels more real to me at three o'clock in the morning. Every scary possibility, every for sure eventuality looms before me. The problem with this realness is I feel like I'm without defenses. During the day, I can acknowledge the same reality, but I would tell you my plan of action too. I feel strong enough during the day. At night I feel stripped of any inner strength- I feel like cowering before future possibilities. I remember every word I said to anyone during the day, only my night memory hears my own voice in tones of desperation and attention seeking, calloused and careless. Everything has an overlay of malice.
Dang, I wish this night would just end so I could go back to being the day me.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry