I'm Just A Girl

Today, I think I will hit up one of my favorite pet topics:  The trials and tribulations of being one of the female sort.  I literally (and yes, I MEAN literally... well, somewhere between really meaning it, and using it for emphasis)  feel like I am two people.  Every single month I have about ten days of being this person who is naturally pretty positive and energetic, who can get the job done, whose mind is uncluttered and able to process everything needed to navigate through the day.  Then the "other" one takes over (and who decided she gets the larger piece of the time pie?  Twenty days in her hands is almost enough to RUIN me, because I (the energetic one (yes, this is the THIRD set of parenthesis inside of a parenthesis!!!) who writes this) could do so much more if I had the twenty!).

Holy batman... that last little chunk of words made me dizzy... let's take a moment to process.......

The "other" me gets to feel everything that is emotional.  She has me (as I am in 10 day land right now), in the back of her mind saying,"Come on now, you can do it!  Positive thinking!!  Get out there, go running- that'll make you feel better!  Don't you DARE eat that whole bag of chocolate!!! Get up!  Do something!  ANYTHING!!!"  To which she mainly replies,"Meh."  And does whatever it is that is passing through her progesterone deprived brain, until I can kick up enough guilt to motivate.  It is exhausting to struggle through that kind of apathy.  But I have to do it, or she will win and I'm afraid I would disappear all together into her sea of fatigue.

It is frustrating.  I know that it is all me, and it has taken years to accept that even though I don't like it, this ebb and flow is who I am.  It's easy for me to feel non-accepting of either side.  Through the ten days I feel guilty because I'm just less emotional, and it makes me feel cold-hearted.  Through the twenty days I constantly question how real my feelings are, or if they are just a product of the hormone fairy going a little nuts.  Who is the real me?  How in the world can you be authentic if you don't know who you are going to be from day to day and you have no absolute control over who you are?

But then, another way to look at it as if it is a gift.  It's not easy to be an emotional (read: moody) person, but some parts of the twenty days are good.  It's good to feel things, because it allows you to have empathy for others.  The saying "Your highs are only as good as your lows" rings true for me.  Sometimes it feels like the ten steady days are just a break from the twenty so I can recover before diving back into who I am primarily. 

SO, in conclusion, I better quit blogging and go get some stuff done.  I only have another week before I won't feel like doing any of it again:)