I should not be allowed to be around people today. My short-term memory is non-existent, my verbal filter is letting "facts" be released that don't quite make it very high on the accuracy scale. My ability to retain anything today without inserting my own weirdness into it is just not there.
Darn you office stapler that I am unable to fix today. Next week when my brain works again, you will submit to me!!!
This has been a weird week. I posted in here on Wednesday about being sad that day, but then I deleted it. I hate being a Debbie-downer. I fight sadness pretty hard through trying to control what I think about, running (which hasn't been enough), and what I eat (which was a ton Nutella). With all that being said, I was a WRECK on Wednesday. I stayed home from service, work, and meeting that day. My day was spent divided between crying (the first session which Derrick was there to hug me through. Love that man so much), laundry, crying, trying to work through some health insurance stuff I'm working on for the kids, crying, going through my kids baby books... eating Nutella, popcorn and drinking tea, crying, and finally crashing on the couch with a book for the rest of the day. It all started the night before, I had so many dreams of my mom that night. I woke up eventually around three and then the ever dreaded thinking started, the regrets, the being mad at both of us for not being the perfect daughter or the perfect mother, missing her and then just my general frustration with myself. Wednesday sorta helped purge all of that. Renae and I were texting through the day- that always helps:)
Thursday was back to work time. One of my favorite quotes from a movie is "You gotta be rich to be insane. Losing your mind is not a luxury for the middle class." Sooo true (although I have to say, the people at my work have been awesome- the pressure is from myself, not the job). So I went to work (although I looked*and still look*crapalicous), arrived late, stumbled through the day without any major mishaps, left late, and went home. Real life just doesn't stop. I talked to Tara on the phone for a couple hours last night- such an awesome phone call. Friends (and sisters) are the best pick-me-up of all.
Just need to finish getting through this day. So far my biggest hang-up has been that rotten stapler. This weekend includes a going away party and a funeral. Maybe after the funeral, some of the stress will let up. I'm ready to feel good again, okay?
Darn you office stapler that I am unable to fix today. Next week when my brain works again, you will submit to me!!!
This has been a weird week. I posted in here on Wednesday about being sad that day, but then I deleted it. I hate being a Debbie-downer. I fight sadness pretty hard through trying to control what I think about, running (which hasn't been enough), and what I eat (which was a ton Nutella). With all that being said, I was a WRECK on Wednesday. I stayed home from service, work, and meeting that day. My day was spent divided between crying (the first session which Derrick was there to hug me through. Love that man so much), laundry, crying, trying to work through some health insurance stuff I'm working on for the kids, crying, going through my kids baby books... eating Nutella, popcorn and drinking tea, crying, and finally crashing on the couch with a book for the rest of the day. It all started the night before, I had so many dreams of my mom that night. I woke up eventually around three and then the ever dreaded thinking started, the regrets, the being mad at both of us for not being the perfect daughter or the perfect mother, missing her and then just my general frustration with myself. Wednesday sorta helped purge all of that. Renae and I were texting through the day- that always helps:)
Thursday was back to work time. One of my favorite quotes from a movie is "You gotta be rich to be insane. Losing your mind is not a luxury for the middle class." Sooo true (although I have to say, the people at my work have been awesome- the pressure is from myself, not the job). So I went to work (although I looked*and still look*crapalicous), arrived late, stumbled through the day without any major mishaps, left late, and went home. Real life just doesn't stop. I talked to Tara on the phone for a couple hours last night- such an awesome phone call. Friends (and sisters) are the best pick-me-up of all.
Just need to finish getting through this day. So far my biggest hang-up has been that rotten stapler. This weekend includes a going away party and a funeral. Maybe after the funeral, some of the stress will let up. I'm ready to feel good again, okay?
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